End of friendship hurtful, but necessary

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/04/2017 (3406 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Five years ago, a close friend of 20 years angrily accused me of purposely ignoring her in a large, crowded situation, but I actually didn’t see her. I tried to reassure her that I would never do that to her, but she would not believe me. Eventually, the incident was brushed under the carpet and we carried on being friends, but I’ve always felt a bit betrayed that she believed I would purposely ignore her, especially after my heartfelt reassurances that I did not.

A few months ago, a similar incident happened, only this time she accused me of flirting with her husband at a house party. I’m not the flirting type; nor am I the least bit interested in her husband. I love my own husband, who was at the gathering too, and did not consider any of my interactions with anyone as flirting. I don’t have the energy or fortitude to once again try to stand up for myself and convince her she is mistaken.

The problem is, we’re both in the same club. Recently, I’ve managed to discreetly steer clear of her at our gatherings, but I’m finding this stressful because I don’t want to see her anymore at all. Should I resign from the club? I’d miss it, but I could try to make arrangements to keep in touch with the other members on an individual basis.

— Done Trying, Winnipeg

Dear Done Trying: This second time, you have received an accusation far worse than the first one. Three is not the charm when you’re the target of groundless accusations. She may be paranoid, she may trying to get rid of you as a friend or she may be losing it. Your decision to quit the club is regrettable, but aside from trying to get her thrown out of it, there’s really no other choice if you want to finish seeing her for good. Make sure you call your friends there to set up social outings quickly before she has time to whisper in their ears.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I are eager to make some new friends. We are definitely not swingers. We’re both in our early 60s and happily married. We don’t attend church, nor do we golf and we are relatively new to the city. We live in an area with many young families. Our old friends have retired, and some have moved on.

We’re looking for couples that enjoy going out for dinner and drinks, maybe theatre sometimes. How do people our age meet others without attracting the wrong type of people? Do any restaurants or cocktail lounges have 50+ mingle nights?

— Still Wanting Fun at 60, Winnipeg

Dear Still Wanting Fun at 60: If you’re willing to meet people with similar interests, check out all the fun gatherings on Meetup.com. People get together using this online service, according to their interests. As you will see by the photos in the information section, some do get together by age, as well as by interests. Although the name sounds like a pick-up website, it isn’t like that at all, and you and your husband will find friends attracted to many of your interests, instead of just one group that goes for dinner.

In these days of difficulty and unrest, you might also pick a cause and really get behind it by joining a group and taking part enthusiastically. That can be quite stimulating and worthwhile. Nothing gets accomplished if people sit home and look the other way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My old British husband has become a barking-mad idiot since his retirement. He has gotten into a feud with our neighbour for parking too close to our car. He went and yelled at the young man next door after a tiny scratch appeared on the passenger door. A few days later another tiny little scratch appeared on the door, so my husband drank too many beers, got himself worked up and went over late at night in a fit, and keyed the other guy’s car. Keyed it!

Now there’s all kinds of trouble and I’m trying to get my husband to offer to repair the door ASAP, because what he did was a crime, but he won’t listen. He claims the other guy keyed his door first, but he didn’t, of course. The infinitesimal scratches are barely noticeable. The man or his partner must have just opened the door and hit our car accidentally. They’re still fighting about reporting each other. What can I do?

— Desperate Peacemaker, Elmwood

Dear Desperate Peacemaker: While MPI is used to dealing with angry loonies and their complaints, your best move would be to go visit the neighbour yourself and see if you can still broker a deal for a private repair. Or, you may be so fed up that you actually want your husband to pay the consequences.

Your man could do with some counselling. Does he also have a drinking problem and too much time on his hands? Can you be very gentle and sweet, and at least weasel out of him what else is upsetting him in his life? That could be very enlightening. Maybe he retired too young, and needs a part-time job to keep himself occupied with thoughts and actions rather than this feuding nonsense.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography