Extracurricular activities may include affair with teacher

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This article was published 02/09/2017 (3265 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has stopped putting in any effort, and he no longer begs for the stuff I won’t give him in bed. He’s a salesman and doesn’t give up unless he’s got a new customer, and I think he has someone new. I know who she is, too: she’s a teacher at my kid’s school. He talked about her way too much during the school year and started helping out with extracurricular activities she was involved with. Around May, he just stopped bothering me for any specialty sex, and it’s been straight old missionary style. I don’t think he’s less interested in sex — he’s got a big libido — so something’s up.

I asked him about her and he got red in the face, went real quiet and then changed the subject. That is totally unlike him. He’s usually a big talker. Our child will be in some of her classes again this year. I feel like I should go see her, but what would I say? I don’t want our family to break up and I won’t break up with him if he says this thing is over. I love him and our family so much.

— Worried-Sick Wife, West Winnipeg

Dear Worried-Sick Wife: Your business is primarily with your husband, not the teacher, so work on cracking that nut. But don’t start with threats of ending your relationship. When you’re out for lunch facing each other, say to him: “I noticed you talked about Ms. So-and-So all the time last year, then you started working at the school and then our sex life changed in May. What was happening there?”

Then wait for his answer. Don’t keep babbling, even if things go uncomfortably quiet — and they might, while he chokes on his lunch and regroups. He may say very little, especially if there’s a dalliance going on, but he’ll know you’re onto him, and if he wants his wife and family, he better quit flirting, or worse.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had three older women who helped me with my life and now the last one has died. I don’t know who to turn to. I need ordinary elder-women’s advice — people who have lived and experienced much — not the advice of doctors and therapists. I don’t have psychological problems, but I do encounter problems along the way. I’m a single working mom with kids from 12 to 17. Who do I turn to? I don’t know my neighbours. Where do you go to find wise older women? By the way, I am Métis, and would prefer someone experienced in my culture.

— Seeking Female Wisdom, Winnipeg

Dear Seeking Female Wisdom: Women friends are precious and helpful. No wonder you feel loneliness and a vulnerability with your dear friends and advisers now gone. Readers, please write in with suggestions for groups to join where you might find these kinds of women for friendship and counsel. It would be best to get to know a number of people to find some natural choices for friends. Depending on how old you are now, there may also be women closer to your own age who have the wisdom you seek. Readers who can help, please write in at the address at the bottom of the page.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Girls depress me! They are over-emotional and difficult. I just tend to stay away from them. I come from a family with four yappy, emotional sisters and I have experience. I’ve seen and heard every squeak they make about little things up to the big complaints about each other and their boyfriends. You would think guys were the No. 1 enemy in life, and yet they spend all their time running after the jerkiest ones.

There’s this girl at school I like, but I ran into her in the store when we were buying school supplies and she has grown about four inches taller than me over the summer. On top of all the other girl problems, why would I want a girlfriend who towers over me and why would she want me? I feel ready to give up on girls already, and I’m only 14. I have a short father, so not much hope there.

— Short, Shy and Discouraged, Winnipeg

Dear Short, Shy and Discouraged: You will most likely have a growth spurt in the next year or two, and who knows how tall you will be? Lots of guys grow taller than the generation before them in the family. My grandfathers were both short and they had many tall children, and their kids were taller still. But if height insecurity is added to all the other worries you have about girls, maybe you should set your sights on a shorter girl, and at least eliminate that worry for now.

You should also know your sisters don’t represent all females, by many means. Sisters are often on their worst behaviour at home with their siblings. Girls outside the family don’t behave like your scrappy sisters, who know which buttons to push to get a reaction. They can get away with witchy behaviour because deep down they love each other. With people in the outside world, they don’t have that leeway. And most girls, including sisters, behave differently towards the guys in their lives: some of it natural behaviour, and some is so phoney you will laugh.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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