Ex-husband’s behaviour borders on stalking

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/09/2017 (3286 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My first husband is in love with me even though I am on husband No. 3 at this point. He inappropriately sends flowers to me at my office on Valentine’s Day and on my birthday in September. I can see the birthday flowers sticking out of the garbage can by the secretary’s desk, unopened.

He doted on me to the point where I was suffocating and I had to leave him. Even now, years later, he won’t leave me alone. I have asked him to, but he says he loves me so much he “forgets.” He’s married to someone else, but I don’t want to tell her because if he ends up divorced he will pester me even more. I threatened him with that once, and he just laughed and said, “Go ahead!” What did that mean? I just want him out of my life and out of my head. — Going Nuts, Fort Garry

Dear Going Nuts: Go ahead! That’s an invitation to a confrontation. Instead, call the shop he orders the flowers from, explain the ex-husband situation and tell them you won’t be accepting any future deliveries from that store. Also, tell your front desk that is the policy for you from now on.

Then ask your lawyer to send a stiffly worded letter to your ex promising legal action if he doesn’t get a grip, and to stop with the flowers/stalking behaviour. Don’t call him yourself. That’s what he wants — contact and the sound of your voice. If he phones and your husband is at home, put him on the line for a change. Warn your husband not to threaten him, but to let him know you are happily married and he should never phone or send the dang flowers again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw a very strange thing and didn’t know what was happening. I think a woman in a mall parking lot was beating her husband.

She was pushing him hard up against the car and tried to slap his face twice, but he warded her off with his arms. Then she really slugged him in the stomach, shouted some swears at him and they both got in the car — she was in the driver’s seat — and just drove away.

He was smaller than her and obviously scared by her. It has been bothering me ever since. Should I have tried to step in? I am a much larger guy, but young. Can a woman beat up a man? If so, I did not know that until that moment.

— Still Shocked, St. Vital

Dear Still Shocked: Yes, a woman can beat up a man. When it comes to abuse, there are many combinations of attackers and victims, you would be shocked at the inequality of sizes and who is the attacker. And yes, men are sometimes physically abused by their partners.

Some abusive women use words, then hands or objects such as kitchen tools or phone receivers.

You could have approached the couple, filming them with your camera and asking the man if he needed any help. That could have stopped the attack enough for the man to get away. If you see something like that again, you should film the licence plate and the car and call the police to report the beating. Assault is assault, and women are not exempt from the law.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography