She digs boyfriend online, but ex could be problem

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This article was published 28/02/2018 (3099 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man online in 2017 and we’ve been keeping in touch. Last night on Skype, he asked me to meet him and his family (he has custody of the kids) as he wants to see if there’s any hope for us, or if we should call it quits “before we grow old, still writing, phoning and Skyping.” I laughed when I read that and agreed to a trip to British Columbia, as I have a friends who are a couple and are making a car trip there this spring and will take me.

My online man’s kids are really cute — I see them on Skype — and I can’t have any children of my own. If things went well, that could be a bonus. The only problem is the ex-wife who lives in the same small city. I don’t know how that will go, as she sees them twice a week, not on weekends.

She’s a busy career woman who makes lots of money. I hear she still thinks of my sweet man as “hers” even though they are legally divorced.

She does pay a lot of support and he doesn’t have to work outside the home. This has been a problem for him in the dating world. Also, she won’t keep the children at her place, if he wants an overnight. By the way, she has her own boyfriend. I’m not sure how to fight her off. I’m not much of a fighter over anything and neither is he.

Does he maybe need a girlfriend who can do battle with his wife, but he just got sidetracked by me instead? I’m seriously worried about this. Should I ask to meet the wife? — Lover Not a Fighter, Manitoba

Dear Lover: You don’t need to have an interview with his wife, as you’re not going out there to answer an ad as a housekeeper/nanny. This is just a go-see HIM and the kids trip. It’s smart to find out the reality at this point, as taking on a weak man and his children would require some regular interactions with the tough wife and you. You may not even like the man in person, no matter how charming he is online, and that will be it. Or, you may really like or even love this man, but it takes more than that to build a deep married relationship and take on children and an ex.

This man is scared of his ex-wife who controls the purse strings. He may not want to work, for the kids’ sakes, or because he’s a bit lazy with all that money around. Most men and women with custody work at least half-time.

Would you be able to work out there?

Would all the money be poured into his home? You have much to think about He’s no doubt afraid of losing those children. If he doesn’t tow the line with her, who knows the trouble she could cause for him and for you?

Dear Miss Lonelyeharts: I’m 14 with a girlfriend the exact same age. I believed she loved me because she said, “I love you.”

Now, she tells me she’s fallen out of love.

I’m hurting and didn’t go to school for two days. My mom has been comforting me, but she doesn’t know how to explain what happened. When I asked my girlfriend for an explanation, she just said she fell out of love. — Young and in Love, Downtown

Dear Young: She wasn’t really in love with you. She was “infatuated,” which can feel like love, but it’s just being hugely impressed by someone at first, thinking they’re perfect, feeling attracted physically and often a bit giddy.

That happens at the beginning of most new relationships. Then it fades down as you get used to the person. In rare cases, at your age, it does turns into long lasting love.

It’s too bad she labelled her feelings “love.”

Having her “fall out” doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or her.

It’s just best not to exchange the L-word when the I-word is still going on.

If a girl is spouting “love” too soon, just smile and say, “That’s sweet and I’m excited too, but let’s just see what happens after the infatuation calms down.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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