Hey boy toy, stop being her plaything

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/01/2019 (2791 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Almost two decades ago, I was 18 and madly in love with this woman in her early 20s, who let me touch her everywhere, but would not have sex with me. It almost drove me out of my skull. She had another boyfriend who was her age. So who do I meet at a convention in Toronto recently, but this very same woman who now works in the same industry as I do. 

I spotted her across the room the first night.  She hadn’t changed much and I was drawn to her like a magnet. She gave a very sensual smile and said she was married. I said I was divorced and single. Then she laughed and said she was “married, but not that married” and gave me her room number. I didn’t go to her the first night, which must have surprised her, because she used to have me wound around her little finger.

The next day at the luncheon she came on stronger and just before dinner, she pulled me into a cloakroom and planted a big kiss on me. I gave back as good as I got. We both missed dinner and most of the next day’s activities, and I found out what I’d missed 20 years ago. But she’s married. At the end of the convention, I said goodbye and she sang out, “hello, hello, hello!” like the Beatles song.

I know she wants to have an affair but I’ve been her boy toy and she teased me mercilessly for too long. It was gratifying to finally finish what she always started, but I know I don’t want her as my long-distance married lover. I flew home to Winnipeg and she’s been calling me a lot. She’s flying into town in a few weeks in pursuit of me, and I don’t know if I can say no to her all weekend. I know I need a woman who is not so pushy and selfish as she is. But my inner man is not as strong as my outer man.

— Boy Toy No More? Winnipeg

Dear Boy Toy: It sounds like you’ve already decided to cave and spend the weekend with her. At the end, you might tell her it was great to solve the mystery, but you don’t want to be her long-distance toy, when she’s somebody else’s wife. That won’t stop a woman who’s used to controlling you, but it’s a start.

Once she’s back in Toronto, you may have to say goodbye a few times on the phone and online, and then block her. She sounds like she’d be a talented stalker, if she put her mind to it. You might need to put your energy into finding a new Winnipeg girlfriend, so you’re not needy and easy pickings for this temptress.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My own children are easy to be with, but my stepchildren give me a headache even before they arrive for the weekend. They’re spoiled and entitled and bully my younger kids. Before they leave on Sundays, I bundle up my two kids and take them off somewhere because they feel so beleaguered by the big boys.

My husband is apologetic, but it’s phoney. He’s actually proud of his boys for being so dominant. It makes me like him less, although I still love him and he is good to my kids. I tried to talk to my stepchildren last time they were here, about how they treat my kids. They waited impatiently until I was finished and then one of them muttered as they left, “Couple of sissies.”

That did it! I told their dad I didn’t want them to come over every weekend anymore. He went quiet in that way people do when they are deeply upset. I don’t know what to do. I won’t have my kids bullied. But if my husband is deeply disturbed by my rejection of his kids, he might just move out and get his own place. Maybe he would break up with me over that. What do you think?

— My Children’s Protector, North Kildonan

Dear Protector: Your stepchildren want you to be gone and are driving a wedge between you and their dad. Kids always hope that their own mom and dad will get back together. If you force this issue, your husband might leave and get his own place.

Will he break up with you? Although he might continue to see you for a time, it does open a hole in your life as a couple — big enough for another woman to walk through. It’s time for family counselling, the sooner the better.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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