Time to boot squatting birds from comfy nest

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This article was published 24/02/2019 (2765 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a miserable man with a miserable wife. Things are so bad at home, my skin is breaking out and my blood pressure is up. We can’t stand one another, yet our kids wants us to stay together for their own sakes.

Our four kids are in their mid- to late 20s and they all live in our big, three-storey home. The oldest kid has the top floor and would like to live there with her boyfriend rent-free forever. The kids don’t pay for food, either, as my wife makes big pots of delicious food for everyone.

It’s obvious to all we are unhappy. My wife and I would have divorced five years ago, but they begged us to “keep it together for the family.”

What should we do?

— Need To Empty This Place and Sell, Winnipeg

Dear Need to Empty: It’s time you faced reality and grew up — the whole lot of you. As parents, you have not been doing your “kids” any favours. There’s a saying about maturing: people are 17 plus the number of years they have lived away from home. You have a lot of people in your house stuck at 17.

Push these fully feathered birds out of the nest so they can learn to fly. Then free yourself and your wife. Make your lives honest and help the kids understand the new reality. You will have to do a lot of talking, which will be very uncomfortable at first, but everyone will benefit in the end. You can re-establish a closer relationship with your children as they become more independent.

Spring — the best time to sell a house — is fast approaching, so you need to talk to your kids as soon as you can. Tell them that you and your wife are miserable together and are definitely splitting up and selling the house. They deserve to know that much, and you both deserve to be free of your overwhelming financial obligations.

You could offer to sell the house to your kids. Show them the mortgage and the bills as a reality check. They will be shocked and realize they are unable to afford it. Whatever you do, don’t offer to rent it to them — kids of all ages are notorious for not paying the rent to their parents on time, or at all.

Call in some renovation people and find out what needs to be done before the house can sell at a reasonable price. Then, you and your wife each need to find a lawyer and accountant so you can get your financial house in order. Selling the house is your top priority — it’s getting in the way of everyone’s growth and progress.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Valentine’s Day is over for another year. I gave my wife flowers yesterday and she gave me nothing — again. Next year, I am giving her nothing, and I quietly told her so when I was shaving.

My wife called me a “big baby” when I told her she was getting what I get every year — zilch! What is your opinion?

— Nothing For the Man, Brandon

Dear Nothing: I’m on your side. Love is a two-way street, and both sweethearts should give a little something in honour of their relationship. I’m tired of people who complain that they shouldn’t have to honour their partners and sweethearts on Valentine’s Day. They argue people should do sweet things all the time, and there’s no need for this “Hallmark celebration.”

That’s a poor argument. It’s not an either/or thing. We should treat our partners well all the time and give them a card or gift on the special day, too.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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