Ignore circumcision talk and cut her loose

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This article was published 01/04/2019 (2414 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This woman I’ve been dating is almost ready to make love with me, but I’m in a bit of panic. Last night she said she didn’t want to “be with” anyone who isn’t circumcised.

I laughed it off, as if that was a given, and quickly changed the subject. It really isn’t funny because I’m not circumcised and don’t want to be. But I really like her. — Uncut, Winnipeg

Dear Uncut: It was a mistake to laugh it off. Somebody who needs you to change your body before having sex with them should be cut loose.

To be fair, she didn’t know your status, but she made it clear she has a hard and fast rule about this. Maybe it’s a religious thing or she thinks it’s more hygienic. Or it may simply be a look she prefers.

Move on before you become more smitten with the woman. How would she feel if you said you didn’t like to date women who weren’t into intimate decorative piercings? These body problems are deal-breakers. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Every year my young husband pulls the same old April Fool’s joke since we got married three years ago. He sets my alarm to the wrong hour when I’m not looking, and then I wake up an hour early, thinking it’s time to get up and get ready for work.

Then he hollers “April Fool!” and pounces on me. Then he wiggles his eyebrows and says, “I guess we’ve got an hour to kill!”

This year I’m wearing a watch to bed. When his alarm goes off, I’m going to roll over, show him the watch, holler “April Fool, loverboy” and go right back to sleep. — Not His Fool Anymore, River Heights

Dear Fool: He’ll know better than to try to have fun with you next April Fool’s morning. You showed him!

Now that you don’t have this silly game to play, ask yourself: what did I win? Taking a bit of ritual fun out of your marriage — shooting down someone who loves and desires you — can only be a mistake.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother used to tell us April Fool’s Day ends at noon. How can that be when April 1 is a whole day?

I’m in high school and my friends and I play jokes at school and the girls still tell us, “It’s over at noon!” What is this crap? My mom said to write you. — April Fool’s Day Fan, Fort Garry

Dear Fan: It is the rule in most English-speaking countries that if someone tries to prank you after noon, you can say of their joke: “April Fool’s Day is past and gone. You’re the fool for making one.”

You see, pranks are fun at first but they grow tiresome after a few hours. 

In Scotland, the pranks continue to April 2, called Taily Day, when it is the practice to pin paper tails on people’s backs, with the words “Kick Me” written on them. My dad used to play this trick on us kids, and not just on April 2!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got into trouble when my wife found out I shared a hotel room with my female co-worker on a business trip.

There weren’t enough rooms booked for all of us. Big deal. There were two beds. Also, and this is more important than anything, my co-worker is lesbian and has a partner she loves.

My wife knows this, but she still went nuts. My co-worker has offered to talk with my wife. Is that a good idea, or will it only make things worse? — In the Doghouse, Southdale

Dear Doghouse: It might be a good idea if it’s done casually, but not if they have to set up an appointment.

Create an opportunity soon, like a dinner party for 12 at a casual restaurant. Your co-worker can bring her lady, and over the course of the evening, make a discreet comment or two to your wife that dispels her worries.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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