Have sympathy as child goes through big changes

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This article was published 05/09/2020 (2172 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Your column is an eye-opener on other people’s issues and personalities. I look at it like meeting new people every day. Quite frequently, I share it with my wife.

Recently, I read a question about men wearing wedding bands and if it is a form of ownership — and you wanted readers’ opinions.

I’m a man in my early 80s, and my wife and I have been wearing our rings for almost 57 years, and we are proud of it. It is a sense of commitment we share.

It’s a commitment that is our bond throughout all stages of life — rearing our children, their teenage issues, their relationships and weddings, and participating in caring for our grandchildren.

Lately, it’s also about going through the loss of loved ones, and through health issues.

The bond is and will be the same, and the ring is the symbol — the same as wearing religious symbols. — A Believer in Marriage and Commitment, Winnipeg

Dear Believer: Your letter gives off warm feelings. Marriage has been a shared, positive adventure for you two for 57 years. Here’s to more years of health, love and adventure for a great couple. Thank you for writing in!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My first marriage was forced by an unplanned pregnancy and neither one of us were really sure of each other. The rings felt weird on my finger.

My young husband never wore his past the three-day honeymoon, saying he “didn’t want to scratch it at work.” Really? I had my doubts! But I didn’t fight it.

I took mine off months later when my fingers swelled up during the latter months of the pregnancy. It felt better to have them off, in many ways.

We had one baby together and we drifted along together, not happy or unhappy, until my husband said, “Should we have another baby so our little girl would have company?”

I felt an instant “No!” welling up in my throat. He saw the alarmed, negative look on my face and demanded I explain my look of revulsion. Right then and there, we had the big talk that ended it.

He got remarried very quickly after our divorce to a woman who had been his “best friend” during our marriage. They have several children now, and both wear their big, fancy diamond wedding rings.

My second husband and I are deeply and passionately in love — a second marriage for both of us. We had one child together, and we wear rings designed for each other that are kind of medieval looking.

I’m very comfortable with that, as I didn’t want a repeat of the old conservative wedding rings. What do the rings mean to us? Gifts from each other, designed for one another.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have the cutest 12-year-old daughter in the world, but lately she has become a she-wolf.

My wife says it’s because she’s going through a rough puberty with lots of mood swings. I’ve only seen one mood lately — her bad one.

It only swings back to the happy one (and I sometimes get a smacky kiss on the cheek) when I give her the $10 for her allowance. When does puberty end? — Impatient Dad, Transcona

Dear Impatient: It’s different for each girl. The beginnings of body changes start as young as 10 or 11 years old these days with periods following a while after. The body keeps changing and developing for a few more yeas.  A lot of the hormonal difficulty straightens itself out by 15 or 16.

It isn’t easy for anybody, because kids tend to take out their angst on the parents who love them and won’t reject them for it. They don’t even realize why they’re doing it at times.

Sometimes it’s good to put your hand on your kid’s shoulder and say, “It’s not easy growing up with all these changes happening, but it gets better.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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