Be honest about old flame

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This article was published 10/09/2020 (2167 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just had the father of my son’s new playmate a few doors over come to pick him up for supper — and I’m in shock. “Daddy” turns out to be my lost love from college days. 

I had met the boy’s mom on the street — lovely lady, just moved in. There are so few kids around our bay, we quickly decided to form a bubble with each other and our two boys.

That family has a very common last name, so there was no forewarning that I’d know her husband, and she didn’t mention his first name. But, when dad came to the door to get his son, both parents were in shock.

I said, “I had no idea you were this child’s father!” He looked at his shoes, and mumbled something that sounded like, “I’m sorry… after this, my wife will be the only one to come.”

Then he looked at me, like the adult he’s finally become, and said, “Look, there are so few kids on this block. It’d be too mean to forbid the boys to see each other, because of our past.” 

I said, “Then, tell your wife who we once were to each other!” He just nodded.

I couldn’t say another word because I had a lump in my throat. Some things you just can’t get past easily. He took his son, who thankfully looks just like his mother, and said goodbye without looking at me.

This child’s father was the love of my life “who got away.” I love my husband but still have feelings of “heartbreak” inside.

Should I stop this relationship between the kids right now, and make a big effort to find my son a different playmate nearby? Or, do I have to tell my husband my old love is our boy’s new playmate? — Tempted to Hide It, North End

Dear Tempted: These are the kind of secrets that seem to make sense in the beginning. But, if they are buried, and somehow surface later on, they could be very harmful to your relationship with your husband.

Turn it around: How would you like your husband to have his old love now living on your street, your kids are playing together, but he doesn’t tell you about it until it gets to your ears another way?

Winnipeg is a small town in many ways, and people quickly become aware of old love connections. You have to tell your spouse now, just as your ex has to tell his wife — or it’s a “no go” between the children.

It might be good for the boys to see other kids more, and each other occasionally. It’d be extremely mean if time passed, the boys became best friends and the secret finally comes out, ending up with the upset partners on both sides demanding total separation between the households.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My workplace is pretty much back with full staff, but there’s a feeling in the air that “anything could happen.” I’m a sensitive person and this tension is giving me indigestion after eating.

At night, it manifests itself as acid reflux and I’ve been sleeping in the recliner chair to keep myself half sitting up.

My wife is not happy about the end of her sex life, as you can imagine. What do you suggest? — The Belcher, River Heights

Dear Belcher: You need to talk to a medical doctor about your job anxiety, which seems to be the cause of your digestion problems.

Your physician might get you to change your diet, and hook you up with a counsellor/psychologist, and prescribe a medication to calm you down — hopefully not a strong one, as you need to be alert at work.

There’s nothing you can do about solidifying your job, except to work hard and try to make yourself indispensable. Hope for the best and also keep your eyes open for other job possibilities, just in case. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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