Connect with COVID-careless mom by phone

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This article was published 17/11/2020 (1794 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a “COVID-iot” who doesn’t take care and protect herself, and doesn’t protect anybody else around her. She’s an anti-masker and she doesn’t use hand sanitizer, ever. That’s why we won’t allow her at our house, or go to hers. She’s very upset about that. Too bad!

I call her on the phone once a week. She’s usually drinking a cocktail and eating appetizers she makes in the microwave instead of real meals. Plus, she is the queen of takeout.

She is used to being a queen. She got a lot of money from my dad after he died years ago. She claims she has had “the best life” and “doesn’t care if she dies.” The other day she got drunk (as usual) and demanded I bring the teenage kids over to see her. I flatly refused to do so “until COVID is over.”

She then phoned the boys up, and they gleefully reported afterwards, “Grandma was drunk again.” I said, “Oh, great. What did you talk about?” The oldest one said “American politics” and the youngest said “old TV shows we both like.” They like grandma and have no problem with her, drunk or sober.

My problem is she’s so careless about COVID-19 she could get the virus and give it to us. Her crazy attitude is that we are young enough to survive — she isn’t. Her stupid drunken philosophies! I don’t know how to deal with her and would appreciate some advice from you and any readers.

— Her Nervous Son, Tuxedo 

Dear Nervous: You’re right to keep grandma away from your home if she doesn’t care about protecting others. That’s enough punishment for her, though. Don’t keep acting like her parent. Stop being snarky and preachy and start phoning her more often and talking to her the way the kids talk with her — about world news and TV shows. In fact, get your kids to get you hooked up in the car so you can talk hands-free when you’re driving.

Be nice while you’re protecting your family. Accept that mama is an alcoholic and enjoy these times chatting with her. You can’t get them back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend’s previous girlfriend got pregnant with him, and she had the baby. She’s bringing up the baby while living with her mother. My boyfriend tells me he wasn’t “in love” with the baby’s mom, but says he pays fair support and sees his son regularly.

I happen to know this girl wants him back and wants to marry him one day, but she is pretending to be casual so he won’t be scared away. (She and I have a mutual friend who tells me what’s going on.) How can I make sure he loves me more than her?

— His New Girlfriend, West End

 Dear New Girlfriend: Here’s the deal about “big L” type love. You can only be yourself, without faking it, and hope that you and your new man are a natural match. They’re the only sort of matches that last.

If you have to try hard to win him over, it’s either too early in the relationship or it’s not going to happen, no matter how long you see each other. If you feel seriously threatened by your boyfriend’s ex, you need to accept that she and the baby will be around for 18 years, at least, and that maybe this isn’t the best situation for you.

The good news? The best thing you can do now is relax and let your relationship unfold. Be nice and kind when you see his son, but don’t start dripping with phoney sweetness. It’s not a competition between you and the baby’s mother.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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