Steer clear of gift letdown with candour

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This article was published 22/12/2021 (1685 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife wants a new car for Christmas, but I simply can’t afford the monthly payments right now. She still seems to think she’s getting the vehicle — I haven’t had the guts to tell her. She has no idea how poorly my business has done during these two years of COVID. When should I break it to her? I hid my business woes, as I thought a safer, new car was needed for the kids and her, and I’d find a way to swing it. I just didn’t.

She loves staying home with our little boys. Her parents both worked and were away a lot, and she didn’t want to do that to them. She’s a wonderful homemaker but is used to being provided for. I’m just barely able to hang onto the house, my car and her old beater. I just didn’t want to worry her.

— Feeling So Crappy, Transcona

Dear Feeling Crappy: Don’t leave this news until Christmas morning. Tell her tonight, when the kids are off to sleep and you have some privacy. Be real with her. Let her know how difficult things have been with your business during COVID. Tell her you’re going through hard financial times, and you can’t afford to buy her the car she’s been hoping for.

Expect her to show feelings changing from shock to understanding to long for better days — and then possibly going into problem-solving mode. Mothers and wives can be good at that. Give her credit for loving you. She may tell you she’s glad to know your reality and start thinking of a way to do some paying work from home, part-time.

Important! She needs to know what her gift is actually going to be, as well as what it’s not going to be. Tell her this year you’re going to buy her a romantic gift, write a letter about your feelings of gratitude for all the wonderful things she does for you and the children, and also give her roses to express your love. That may make her smile again!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend can’t afford to go home to her family in Toronto, and told me she felt really sad. We can’t join in with my crazy family in the country, as unfortunately, they’ve spoiled more than one Christmas for me with their heavy drinking and quarrelling. I’m happy to stay in the city with my new love! I think she may be “the one.”

I already bought her a real tree, and we decorated it. How can I fill Christmas Eve and Day with fun, when she’s likely to be lonely for her parents and siblings?

— New Santa, Wolseley

Dear New Santa: There are four bases you need to cover this Christmas. First, help her when it comes to communicating with family. Maybe she’d even like to create fun backgrounds and music for family meetings online.

Next, keep the holiday mood lively. For Christmas gift exchange, crank up some fun holiday music. You don’t want things too quiet when it’s just the two of you.

Third, make sure to spend some time outdoors. You’ll need to breathe! Get out in the snow for walks and to make snowmen or snow angels, and send photos to family and friends.

Finally, brighten things up after dark with a driving tour of Christmas light displays. Research the best areas for Winnipeg lights online.

Also, make a list of special foods and treats for Christmas dinner, and go shopping together to find them right away. Ask about her favourite holiday movies and songs, and which board games she enjoys. As for romantic possibilities, you could play beneath the lighted Christmas tree — or by candlelight in the bedroom. Note: Battery-powered candles are safest if you two are rambunctious. Here’s to a fun and fantastic Christmas, Santa!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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