Be upfront about live-in in-law apprehension

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/05/2022 (1566 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother moved in with my younger brother and his family in the country and now lives on their property in her state-of- the-art “Granny flat.” She’s away in the winters.

Now, my wife (who’s a mommy’s girl) wants the same deal for her mother on our property. Her mom and I peacefully co-exist when we meet, but we’re not big buddies. I don’t hide that from my wife who’s the eternal optimist. She argues we will “learn” to love each other.

Not happening! I don’t want that dope-smoking hippie-style woman here, influencing my teenage kids. What can I do to keep her away without opening a can of worms?

— Upset Husband and Dad, rural Manitoba

Dear Upset: Get the can opener, and let the worms out! Better now than too late. You have to be open and honest about all the reasons you don’t want your mother-in-law living next to you and your teenage kids, including the recreational drugs.

Tell your wife strongly that you insist on feeling comfortable on your own land, and you don’t need a third-parent type authority nearby. So, if Grandma wants to move to the town closest to you of her own volition, she can do that. But that’s the closest situation you want.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my 50s and I’ve enjoyed two monogamous relationships and several sex buddies over my adult years. My latest man is wonderful to me, but he’s hell bent on getting married. I’m not!

I have reason to be afraid of marriage, because I’m a very successful business woman who’s made a lot of money over the years and has invested it extremely well. To be blunt, I am finally wealthy.

This man makes an excellent salary in senior management in a company (not his own), but that’s it. I don’t want to retire, but I want to be able to do so one day in grand style — possibly in another country.

Anyway, I don’t know how long a marriage would last with me with any man! I have a dominant personality. I’m also fun and loving! I’ve never wanted babies — other than my business projects. So there’s just me — and my money.

If things went south, how much money would an ex-partner get in a divorce? It gives me nightmares to think about it. What are your thoughts on this? I’d value some advice.

— Very Successful, Winnipeg

Dear Successful: You don’t say you want to get married, only that your sweetheart is wonderful and he’s “bent” on tying that knot. Why is he so determined? That’s a worrisome question when you’re wealthy.

You’re also worried about a marriage being successful, given your type of personality. Maybe you’re just not cut out for domesticity. Presumably, you’re strong-willed and happy being the boss.

You don’t have to be in any hurry just because he is! Take your time and see if he sticks around when there’s no reward other than being with you. In the meantime, quietly go for advice in several different areas.

Talk with a top divorce lawyer who’s been involved in big-money divorce settlements, as well as a financial expert who’s not looking for an investment opportunity. Then you also need a relationship/marriage counsellor to see alone at first, to ask your questions freely. Then go together with your guy to talk about the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship, why he wants a marriage and how you really feel. You’d need a very strong marriage contract to marry anybody — so you could just relax and enjoy the relationship.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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