People wonder why baby doesn’t look like dad

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This article was published 24/11/2016 (3600 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know the baby my girlfriend says is mine is not mine, but I love this baby, who is now more than a year old, and I am maintaining the idea that he’s my blood. It’s so evident by his colouring I don’t even need the DNA test to prove he’s not mine, but I don’t care. My lady and my baby are everything to me.

My girlfriend, who probably knows who the father is, has not said a word about his colouring, but we would have to live in a year-round hot climate to be as brown as he is. I was OK with this until this guy, whom she says is a boyfriend from long ago, started sniffing around. He has dark skin and looks a little like our baby. I don’t think he’s responsible enough to want to horn in on our baby, but it bothers me that he’s the guy who might have been around for a visit right about the time she came up pregnant. I was just starting to get to know my girlfriend at the time and then we only slept together a few times. We weren’t seeing each other exclusively at that time and I was seeing other people too. But when she said she was pregnant, I was excited, happy and was willing to believe he was my baby.

Nobody likes kids better than I do and she and I have grown to love each other. I just don’t know how long we can maintain this story about whose child he is and I am scared of the other guy coming back to claim his kid. People have been looking at us sideways since this little fellow grew up a bit. How should I react if people hint? — Annoyed and Worried, Downtown

Dear Annoyed and Worried: Don’t react — don’t say anything you haven’t thought out ahead of time. You could go so far as to say you have mixed blood in your family and then change the topic. If that person persists, say, “Why do you ask?” and wait for an answer, which won’t come. Clearly you and your lady have not even discussed this, so it’s nobody’s information to discuss with you. “How rude of you to ask such a question,” said in a cool voice, is another real conversation stopper.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want to give my girlfriend an engagement ring for Christmas, but I don’t know if she would accept a diamond. Is that part of the game, that the guy doesn’t know what she will say until he has popped the question, or should I feel around and ask her if that’s what she wants, too? What kind of questions should I ask? — Crazy In Love, Winnipeg

Dear Crazy in Love: It’s smarter to ask questions about possibly making it permanent some day, whether she wants kids, how many, where she would like to live, if she’s ready to settle down, does she want a formal or casual marriage or prefer living together, where she wants to work, etc. And how about education for both of you? Once you have the general OK, then you can go casually ring shopping with her to see what she likes. Then you can pick the day and way you propose.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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