Foul-mouthed girlfriend an embarrassment

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This article was published 19/09/2017 (2957 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My latest girlfriend comes from a different part of town. She’s rougher than I am in her speech and sometimes in her thinking. At first, I liked it in private — it was kind of racy and spicy talk for me — but then she started talking that way other places and dropping F-bombs in front of my mom, sister and even servers in restaurants.

I asked her to watch her language and she excused it by saying she was blue-collar and wasn’t born with money or fancy manners like I was. I told her that I might have a white-collar job, but I come from a blue-collar family and we don’t talk like that, so her excuse wasn’t going to work with me. Should I try to train her out of it, or just give up on her? I’m getting fed up.

— Embarrassed, Westwood

Dear Embarrassed: Somebody who gets a kick out of talking in a shocking and crude way can stop it for a while and maybe just swear in private, but once everything’s relaxed and happy, and it looks like the relationship is a done deal, start talking tough and crude like they used to all their lives since there is no need to be on good behaviour anymore. What you thought was a hoot in the beginning is now annoying. This can happen with other bad habits, too, such as sloppiness, forgetting about using deodorant, bad driving, abruptness to store clerks and/or coolness to your friends and relatives.

So, now you’re emotionally involved with someone who embarrasses you. Here’s the deal: you need to assess your new partner’s bad habits to see if you can deal with them and they won’t limit your life, as in staying away from people you care about, and missing functions because your mate isn’t up to dressing up and behaving.

Don’t let someone else’s bad habits keep you home and limit your interactions with friends, workmates and family. Constant swearing of the crudest variety will certainly do that. She isn’t the only woman in the world.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I woke up in bed with the wrong woman. I had gotten drunk at a friend’s house while his parents were away and everybody passed out on the rug or found a bed instead of driving home. It was the safest thing to do, right? Wrong! In the morning, my friend was looking for his girlfriend. I was sleeping on the side of the bed looking over the edge at the bedside table. My buddy opened the door and discovered his girlfriend sleeping on the other side of the bed looking over that edge. I didn’t know she was there.

He picked me up off the bed as I was just waking up and slammed his fist into my face. She was screaming stuff such as, “It was dark. I didn’t know it wasn’t you beside me. Honest!” I was shocked and ran out of the room holding my eye. We were both fully dressed in the bed; I was under the covers and she was on top under a blanket.

He finally believed her and today he phoned to apologize for losing it and hitting me, but he still doesn’t trust me. He told me that she likes me and then muttered, “I don’t trust her with you.” What the heck am I supposed to do with that? She and I were finished three years ago when she cheated on me, though not with him. How do I fix things with my buddy? I miss the guy.

— Not Guilty, Bird’s Hill

Dear Not Guilty: You need to open your eyes if you can, and consider this possible scenario: your ex-girlfriend may have opened the bedroom door, saw who was in there, went in, shut the door and crawled in on the other side of the bed to see what might happen if you woke up. So stay away from this buddy when he’s with her. You may be innocent, but she may be looking for an opportunity to take another crack at you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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