Scream along with husband’s Halloween soundtrack

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This article was published 27/10/2017 (2925 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband of two years has this CD from his youth that his family used in their yard as scary background noise behind their elaborate Halloween displays. My husband’s too lazy to go to the trouble his dad did in terms of creating a yard scene and seems to think I won’t help. What he still wants to do, though, is play the old scary sounds disc at the house all night and then have sex to it with the lights out.

I went along with this the first two years, but now I just don’t want to do it. Apparently, he used to “groove to it himself” in his bedroom as a kid after Halloween night was over. What should I tell him? It’s not the first thing I’ve stopped doing that excites him, but possibly the stupidest. — Spoilsport Wife, Grant Park Area

Dear Spoilsport Wife: I’m betting that behind your husband’s desire for the ritual sex celebration at the end of the night, he is secretly missing the Halloween circus at their house growing up. Try to imagine the big showy scene outside that attracted the neighbours and people from other neighbourhoods to their front yard. Picture his parents and the kids out there in costumes as the stars of the show with all that crazy noise, music and fun.

This is a once-a-year fantasy you could restore by recreating the first of it outside in the yard this year. Yes, you! Why not call his dad for some tips? Once you get into it, your husband will naturally get enthused. If he won’t help at first, make snacks and drinks and start anyway, getting a friend or neighbour involved.

Most Halloween costumes and decorations are on sale right now, since there are only a few days to go. Get out there and see what you can find that’s big and showy. Something active, such as a witch’s cauldron and dry ice, might anchor the first year’s scene nicely. Ask your husband to help you when you haul the stuff home. I bet it won’t take much to have him climbing a ladder hanging ghosts from branches.

The last thing you need to do is make your husband feel like you’re already on the slippery slope to “No thanks, dear, I’m not into this and that.” Validate his love of Halloween and it will come back to you in dividends. Even the sex might feel like fun to you after a night of laughter and fright on the lawn.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been invited to three different Halloween parties and can’t go because I only have about $10 to spare. I really want to go to them because I’m just getting to know my new Red River College friends, but it’s just not cool to show up at their parties without any costume. Can you help me, so I can still go? I’m a female, age 19. — Halloween Party Loser, Osborne Village

Dear Halloween Party Loser: You can spend $10 and put together three costumes made with thrift-store and dollar-store accessories. You can wear the same black body costuming for all three.

For the first party, buy dollar store black cape for $3 and a pointy hat for less and you’re a witch. Use make-up sticks (a few bucks for a mini-pack) and put on a green face and huge black eyebrows and warts on your nose. Then cackle and screech hysterically at your host’s door. 

For party No. 2, you can be a zombie by teasing up your hair and spraying it. Smear grey and white face make-up on your face (blend black and white) and rub it down your arms and hands too. Hold your arms out in front of you when you make your entrance with a dead, glassy stare.

For the last party, you can be a cat with ears on a band (another $2) and black makeup whiskers and a red or black triangle on the end of your nose. Your tail can be a black garbage bag rolled tightly and pinned so it’s easy to sit on. Meow, screech and purr for effect when you make your grand entrance. P.S. Acting out the role when you arrive makes your costume look twice as good. For 10 bucks you can be the life of three costume parties and make new friends at the same time. Have a blast!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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