Penchant for peeping may not be in past

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/06/2022 (1521 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend says he used to be a peeper, but that it wasn’t his fault.

He said he couldn’t help it, because his neighbour was a girl who liked to display herself in her bedroom window with the curtains open at night. His bedroom window looked down on hers and she liked to put on a show for him.

It went on for two years until he moved out recently. I don’t like knowing this. The way he talks, I think he misses it! This changes my feelings about him. Why did he tell me? What should I do?

— Anxious Now, River Heights

Dear Anxious: Peeping may or may not be in the past for him. Wanting to see a show — and for you to create it — may be a fantasy for him now. This might have been his first hint. Either that, or he just felt guilty and needed to tell you.

Bottom line? It’s not your business to have to listen to it, or to provide a show for him.

Go with your gut. It may be telling you this guy is not right for you, and you don’t need further proof. You don’t even need to explain in detail. He already knows what he said might not be acceptable.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read with interest about the gentleman in Windsor Park who signed off as “Drinking Everything but the Kool-Aid” and wanted to attend a non-religious group for his alcohol addiction.

I founded Winnipeg Secular Organization for Sobriety or SOS (Save Our Selves) in 2013. We are an offshoot of the SOS founded by Jim Christopher in 1985. For information about our group, schedules and how to contact us, visit WinnipegSOS.com.

I’ve been sober for 40 years and decided to start SOS in Winnipeg for those who may not be comfortable with the 12-step philosophy. In SOS we take a self-empowering approach to recovery. We take responsibility for our own sobriety and make it a priority.

I hope this information will be of help to your readers.

—Wanting to Help, Winnipeg

Dear Wanting to Help: Congratulations on 40 years of sobriety and founding the SOS group in Winnipeg! Also, thanks for writing in to help others who are struggling right now and don’t yet have the answers they need.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was pleased to read your response to “Drinking Everything but the Kool-Aid” and that you were able to connect them with a 12-step meeting. Obviously, AA works for some, but it isn’t for everybody.

As a psychologist who works with addiction, I’m aware of some other resources that might be of interest to your readers who find themselves in a similar situation.

In Manitoba, there are other mutual help groups for problems with alcohol and other substances that do not endorse a spiritual solution or the disease model. One group is SMART Recovery, which is based on rational emotive therapy. Their program is more in line with more scientific approaches to recovery. To contact SMART Recovery in Manitoba, readers can email a group facilitator at smartwpg@gmail.com.

Other folks may not want to attend a group, either online or in person, or they may find it difficult to attend a meeting in their area. They might consider a book, and one I’d recommend is written by William Miller and Ricardo Muñoz, called Controlling Your Drinking: Tools to Make Moderation Work for You. It is based on the current state of the science, and might appeal to anyone who related to “Drinking Everything but the Kool-Aid” — and I suspect there are more than a few!

Thanks for considering passing this information along.

— Dr. Michael Ellery, Clinical Psychologist, Winnipeg

Dear Dr. Ellery: Thanks for your suggestions. Everybody has a way of learning that speaks to them and their situation. The more roads we can find, the more people who can find the help they desperately need and want.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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