Kids know about bad behaviour
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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/11/2015 (3968 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Ever since I got caught having a meaningless affair my husband has been sticking me with barbs. Even though I apologized, I can’t do anything right, and he acts like I’m not worthy of his respect. This morning at breakfast our oldest teenager asked why we were always fighting, and my husband said, “I’m not fighting, I’m just pointing out a few things your mother needs to learn.” My son snorted and said, “Well stay together, or break up over the affairs you two have had since I was 13 years old, but stop the constant bickering. I’m out of here at the end of school in June and moving to B.C.” My husband’s mouth flew open. He thought nobody knew about his affair five years ago. I did — that’s why I felt free to get even this summer.
Our son is 18, and although we always said he could to a university outside Winnipeg if he wanted to, we never thought he would leave his friends and family and not go to school after Grade 12. It’s unthinkable. He is a very intelligent kid and an excellent student. His dad and I are in shock. What can we do to make him stay?
— Shocked Parent, Winnipeg
Dear Shocked Parent: Your son has been shocked for years. He wants honesty now. Either fix your relationship or break up. Kids aren’t blind or deaf to the hostile behaviours between their parents, although they may be silent, fearing their home will blow apart. Your son had to be at his wits end to speak up to both of you about it, so you’d best believe him when he says he wants to get out of your house and out of town.
Your best move is to call a relationship counsellor today and let your son know you are both going. At some point he may want to go to a counselling session and get out everything he needs to say with a referee in the room. Be aware other kids in the family may know, too. They are not blind or deaf, either.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6
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