Resources abound to help husband learn to read

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This article was published 21/11/2015 (3967 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently have fallen deeply in love with an amazing man who immigrated to Canada some years ago. He’s warm, loving and passionate with many qualities I’ve always dreamed of finding in a true love; however, he recently disclosed he had a very troubled childhood, with years of physical and emotional abuse.

After many tears, he also revealed that he is essentially illiterate due to his abusers not giving him the opportunity to attend school. He is still a very intelligent, thoughtful man who has a lot of wisdom to share, despite his lack of education. This doesn’t diminish my love or passion for him in any way. As a matter of fact, it makes me furiously protective and loyal to him.

It worries me that others may not be so kind if they find out about this and may think he is not a good match for me since I am an educated, intelligent woman. He has already emotionally healed in so many ways through his loving spirituality, and has a strong supportive network within his community, but he is still deeply ashamed of his lack of education, and I’m only one of a few who know his secret.

I want to help him find the resources for his literacy issues, but he’s a proud man, so there needs to be a certain finesse in finding the right approach. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

— Love Shows No Boundaries, Winnipeg

Dear Love Shows No Boundaries: You’re aware your man needs to learn to read in a very respectful environment. Depending on your personality and his manly pride, you may not be the best person to teach him. The directory for the Manitoba government’s adult learning and literacy department is here. Click on the “Learners” link on the left to access the full directory of programs available and, if possible, print out the information booklet.

If your sweetheart is willing to work with you on reading, and doesn’t want to go outside home to learn, where he might be discovered, help him! Don’t think you have to use serious-looking easy-English books. An excellent article on the different types of books preferred to use with adults surprisingly talks about how boring those textbooks are (find it here). It discusses the uses of picture books with simple writing below that are appealing to everyone from children to adults and includes lists of such books to start you out.

When I taught English as a second language, my students got a kick out of reading words from catalogues, advertising flyers and easy cartoons. Of course, we started out by learning the alphabet, but not all of the letters and sounds at one time. You have to mix it up and keep people smiling. I had my students teach me their languages and songs at the ends of classes to show respect for their different cultures.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for the person who’s scared to go to bed at night because a (ghost) man comes and sits on the side of the bed for a few minutes at night, and she can smell pipe smoke in the room. He tells her not to worry because he’ll only stay a little while. You gave the person good advice, but please add one thing: why doesn’t she just ask the apparition what he wants?

From her description of him, he doesn’t sound threatening. And, if this is just her imagination going wild, being vocal will dispel his existence. Maybe she requires the comfort and wisdom of an older person and has imagined him, and he has a fear of whatever could go along with it.

— Experienced With Such Things, Winnipeg

Dear Experienced: Thanks for writing in and offering your advice. If anyone else has suggestions, please feel free to write in, as ghostly presences are not my area of expertise.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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