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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my mom, but nobody else can stand her. She’s a bit weird, but she’s delightful company to me as I won’t put up with any of her guff. At the personal care home where she lives, she is cranky and gives everyone grief over every little thing. I don’t now how to change her. I can’t tell everyone at the home to tell her off, like I have had to do. What do you suggest? — Daughter of Grump, Winnipeg

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Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/11/2015 (3968 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my mom, but nobody else can stand her. She’s a bit weird, but she’s delightful company to me as I won’t put up with any of her guff. At the personal care home where she lives, she is cranky and gives everyone grief over every little thing. I don’t now how to change her. I can’t tell everyone at the home to tell her off, like I have had to do. What do you suggest? — Daughter of Grump, Winnipeg

Dear Daughter of Grump: Is she acting like this because she’s scared and throwing out spikes like a porcupine as protection? She does know how to behave well and be charming with someone she loves, such as you, but then, she’s sure of your love. You’ve already had some dust-ups and got past them to find a peaceful balance.

Take her out for a trip somewhere, such as your place, and ask her to tell you what upsets her about the personal care home. I’m guessing she’ll say something such as, “Nobody likes me there. They’d like to get rid of me.” But, If everything she dislikes at the care home is minor, it could be she just wants to live somewhere else — possibly your house.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t want to take her in, but do tell her the truth if that’s not going to happen. She needs to know that she can stop working that angle. Suggest she make a change where she lives. Tell her that treating staff better will help her develop friendships with them and other people who live there. (Right now they will be giving her a wide berth.)

Perhaps she’s bored silly, and doesn’t have enough to do. Try to find out what all is offered in terms of activities and outings and help her get signed up.

Or, do you think she’s depressed? Perhaps you could talk to her doctors about that and a possible change in her medication.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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