Serve up drinks and charm to feisty neighbour

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This article was published 19/11/2015 (3969 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This young battle-axe who lives next door is driving me nuts. She is always coming over on Friday nights, hanging on the door looking for an argument. She knows I’ve got a temper too, so eventually she gets the verbal sparring she loves. She’s always on about something — my cats, my dog, my garbage, my parking, my leaves or the untidy woodpile.

I can smell her coming if I have the window open. She is always dressed up from work, wearing high heels and oozing perfume. She’s a young widow (I am divorced) and it seems she has nothing better to do on a Friday night than bug me! What’s her problem? She gives me hell about the garbage cans, the leaves on my lawn, the lights on my fence, the property line and how I park my car.

Why is she dressed up just to give me hell about everything?

— Scratching My Head, Wolseley

Dear Scratching: Wake up! She loves fighting with you and has a crush on you. She’s a spitfire and recognizes a fiery man when she sees one. Next time she shows up at your doorstep, all tarted up and ready to brawl, pull her in the door and hand her a drink. Say something like: “OK, sit down and let’s hear what you have to complain about this Friday.”

My guess is she will be shocked, but sit down with a thud. If she can get a rise out of you, and spend some time with you, she’s enjoying herself. Then give her a big grin, realizing you are in the dating/mating game with this firebrand, and this is the beginning of Stage 2. (Don’t worry about messing up your neighbourly friendship, because at this point you can’t wreck a wreck.) While you’re fighting with her, take the reins and say, “I’m ordering pizza for us with hot peppers so we can really get into this and settle everything once and for all.” She’ll start worrying that this might be her last chance for time with you. That’s a good thing. Nothing like a little urgency to hurry things along.

Argue with her all she wants, and pour more wine. Enjoy the electrical storm that’s brewing. Touch her hand and tell her she’s beautiful when her eyes are flashing and she’s angry. She’ll accept this nonsense, because she’s into you. Since you have a woodpile, you might have a fireplace. Casually light a big fire, and when she’s opening her mouth to rag on you about something, lean in, take her chin in your hand and kiss her. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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