Dog and owner both got treats during long walks

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This article was published 01/10/2016 (3655 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate walking the dog and my husband says he loves it. Recently, those walks have extended to two- and three-hours long. I have a friend who volunteered to play detective. It turns out he goes to the park so the dog can run around and do his business and then he takes off to another place across a bridge and 20 minutes away. A woman lets him in with a kiss for him and treats for the dog who stays on the porch. My husband comes out an hour or so later, they kiss goodbye, and my husband and the dog come home.

I researched who lives there — a female co-worker — and presented him with the facts. He broke down crying and confessed everything. He started giving her rides home and she invited him in. At first he said no, and then one day when we had one of our fights, she gave him drinks and things happened. He says he’ll never do it again. Should I take him back? I love him.

— Not Sure What to Do, West End

Dear Not Sure What to Do: How do you handle having him work in the same place? That’s the biggest problem. Does he still give her rides home? If he does, how would you know? You can go for counselling and hopefully strengthen your relationship to learn how to handle those fights you mentioned in an off-hand way, so they don’t end up so hurtful that one or both of you want to sleep with someone else — the ultimate revenge. Does your husband have a job he could easily change, or is it a career where he’s deeply entrenched? To keep her from thinking she has a private place to work on him (at work) you might give her a call to let her know how you feel and that you’re on to her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m alone again. This is my 12th breakup since I started dating at 16. I’m into science and keep a list of boyfriend data in a notebook. I keep notes on each guy’s age, looks, colouring, interests, personality and I see there is a new pattern developing.

I’m almost 30 and the clock is ticking. The last two guys were serious husband material — good jobs, nice looking, healthy family backgrounds — but I wasn’t hugely sexually attracted to either of them. It was OK, but just OK. As things progressed it went from mediocre because of the novelty factor to boring to the point of irritating, and I was trying to dodge sex by claiming I was working so hard and needed my sleep. So, how important is sex and attraction to a marriage?

— Needing Input, University of Manitoba

Dear Needing Input: To illustrate roles on Earth I like to think of aliens from a parallel universe looking at two humans, trying to guess what relationship they have with each other. In your case, I think they would look at you and your last two romantic partners as “friends.” For sexual attraction to last a long time — the length of a marriage, through having children, good times and not-so-good, old age — people need to be strongly attracted. They should at least be 50 per cent lovers and 50 per cent friends to make that long journey together.

The trouble with marrying a man who’s really just a friend is the sex peters out and then there’s unhappiness for the rejected partner and that tears a hole in the marriage big enough for a new lover to crawl through. In your case, you need to revive your interest in men who are sexy and attractive, but who also have the kind of intelligence, character and compatibility to make you two best friends and lovers for life. The difference between “just a friend” and a “husband” is that combination of friendship and deep sexual attraction.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read with dismay the letter from the man who refuses to consider getting hearing aids because they will make him look old. You are quite right: Hearing aids these days can be almost invisible. I’ve been wearing them for several years, and rather than making me look old, they make me look engaged and interested in my surroundings because I can better comprehend what’s going on.

This poor man and his family could use some help. The Canadian Hard of Hearing Association, Manitoba chapter offers a number of programs to help people with hearing loss.

These include a speech-reading program currently underway in Springfield (204-853-7582) and the Transcona Hearing Support Group (email tes@mymts.net for details). Also, the Sound Ideas Hearing Loss Support Group meets at 720 Henderson Hwy., starting Oct. 24 (204-669-1710). A presentation entitled When Someone You Love Has Hearing Loss will be given on Oct. 20 at the Cindy Klassen Recreation Centre and the Reh-Fit Centre is hosting a presentation titled How to Deal With a Family Member Suffering from Hearing Loss on Oct. 25. — Enjoy Hearing Well, Manitoba

Dear Enjoy Hearing Well: Thanks for your helpful letter.

The Canadian Hard of Hearing website is at chha-mb.ca for important information on hearing loss.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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