‘Boy toy’ tired of just being another plaything

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/07/2018 (3012 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in love with a married woman, but she isn’t in love with me. I have no doubt she loves my attention and the sex I so willingly provide, and she says I’m “cute” and “handsome. “ But, I see she has no intention of kicking her “asexual” husband out. He travels outside the city a lot for work.

When he’s home, he commands all her attention. She warned me he could get violent if he ever caught me there. She said she knew that “from experience.” I thought she meant he had beaten her in the past. But maybe she’s had other boyfriends over the years, and he went after them.

Last week, he came home for a two-week summer holiday, and she told me to stay away. I grew lonely and curious about the truth. Close to sunset, I took a drive past their big place out of curiosity and I saw her and the big husband. They were both working in the front yard at a flower bed.

I was in a friend’s truck and had slunk down so they wouldn’t see me spying. I watched for quite awhile. At one point, she threw her arms around him and pinched his bum slowly, the same way she does with me when she wants sex. He kissed her full on the mouth, took her hand and walked her inside. I have no doubt what was about to happen. I know her moves.

She always told me she didn’t have sex with him. Now I know that was a lie and I was just something extra on the side — her boy toy, when she was alone and lonely. Should I tell her I spied on her and saw what was really going on? Or, is it smarter to keep quiet? Should I tell her goodbye or use her for sex when she calls my cell, and I need some action myself?

— Her Boy Toy, East Kildonan

Dear Boy Toy: Take your pent-up energy and spend it hunting for a real girlfriend who wants to love you and have sex with you. Now you are just a disposable boy toy for this woman, but you could be so much more to a single lady!

Note, this woman is dishonest and tells lies. It’s likely her husband is not violent. That warning you got is her way to keep a boy toy away when hubby is home. Warning: Don’t test out that theory! Just give her the total snub when she calls and block her any way you can online. Don’t try to use her for sex when her husband is away from home. Why? Because you and I both know you have feelings for her, or you wouldn’t be hurting now. Those positive feelings are mixed with negative ones, like hurt and anger. That’s a toxic mix and can mean trouble.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a young man on the bus and he helped me carry my bags home from shopping. I gave him $5 for helping me, and he seemed very happy and kept saying, “Thank you, thank you.”

The next day he was back at my door, looking for more chores to do. He said he was “dead broke”. I thanked him but said I didn’t need help with anything. Three days later he was back again. I gave him one thing to do and gave him a toonie. He looked utterly disgusted, as it was a dramatic underpayment, but I wanted him to go away.

He came back yet again yesterday and I said a flat “No! I don’t have extra money for chores anymore!” He walked away with his head down. I felt guilty but I found his pestering behaviour very annoying. Is there something wrong with me or him?

— Older Lady, Weston

Dear Older Lady: Nothing is wrong with either of you. He overestimated how much extra money you have by the generous tip you gave him for carrying your bags home from the bus. He needed spending money and you looked like a good source. But, you went down from $5, then dismissed him, paid him $2 and then dismissed him for good.

Now you’re annoyed at him for pestering you, and he’s annoyed at you for cheaping out and “jerking him around” (in his mind). These are normal emotions, given the situation. Just let it go. Be polite when you see him, but don’t ask him to do any more chores, ever. Now, go out and get yourself a portable pushcart to carry your own stuff to and from the bus and be independent.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography