A good (and creative) man hard to find in bed

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/07/2018 (3007 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: All my life, I’ve been the creative talent in the bedroom. My partners have been anywhere from good-looking to hot, innocent to well-experienced. I’m bisexual and still can’t honestly say I’ve ever had a partner of either sex who was so good at “fancy” sex that I was chained by lust to that person, as some of my girlfriends are.

It is always me who leads the way in the bedroom. “Tell me what to do and I’ll do it,” is the line men use to get out of doing anything different. They think that’s a big gift. I am tired of it! I started asking my girlfriends if they ever had a man that was as hot as the men in the romance novels and they just laughed. But, the women add, children slowed them down a bit as sex partners as did housework, which was mostly left to them. A good man could have piqued their interest, but they said they felt out of shape and a bit self-conscious and are so tired they hit the couch and fall asleep, exhausted, by 9 p.m. Why does it seem like men only care about taking time to create great sex when they are into power play or crazy stuff? 

— Don’t Get It, St. James

Dear Don’t Get it: Sex is simpler for men. Most don’t need to take “the road less travelled” to achieve orgasm. They just want to enjoy the merry ride and get to the destination. They’re usually quite happy to have some flirty hot talk, quick foreplay, enjoy one of their favourite positions and then climax.

Women often need more of a distraction from their daily lives, especially with work and kids. Fantasy can get them there. That’s why women are often interested in hot romance novels and you rarely see a guy carrying one. Okay, never!

Guys are more liable to be visual and enjoy porn. Women love words on the written page or whispered in their ears, and a little drama. They want emotion and passion, not just a physical workout… except sometimes, when it’s been awhile and it’s just the ticket.

Love Nest sex shop owner Linda Proulx says that her weekday customer traffic is “45 per cent women, 35 per cent men and the rest is couples.” But on Sundays, “when it’s quiet and people are not busy, I see about 90 per cent couples in the shop, and that’s great.” Couples can show each other what they like and buy things that will please them both. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I haven’t the foggiest idea what to do to celebrate a birthday I don’t want to celebrate. I will be 50 in a few weeks and I don’t want to be 50. I don’t want to be dead either, as people are so quick to point out, but that’s cold comfort to me. I have always lived a sporty young lifestyle, but yesterday, when I was in a restaurant, a young waitress automatically pointed out the “seniors specials” and I blew a gasket. I don’t want to look 55 or over, and if I had the money, I’d go have my face done today. I mean everything. I told my girlfriends and they just laughed at me.

Why? I found out later two of them had Botox treatments and other small things done. I can’t afford plastic surgery or expensive miracle creams that may or may not work. What can I do? 

— Young-Feeling & Proud, Southdale

Dear Young-Feeling: I once taught an eight-week course called Bringing Sexy Back. Participants found the biggest single factor in looking younger was their hairstyle and colouring.  That could mean well-shaped long, medium or shorter hair — generally softer around the face, nothing pulled tight, too short or severe — and ditching the grey. 

People will scream that grey is beautiful, but it generally doesn’t make women look younger. Some tone that’s warmer and brighter is good, never a flat black. Home colouring kits still can’t compare to an expert salon experience, where a stylist can mix several colours as they occur in nature, or put in fun streaks of pink, blue or green that are frankly fake, but professionally done. One should also take advantage of free makeup demos in stores and pharmacies and wear up-to-date clothing. Then, have more fun! A fun person has a happy or amused smile on their relaxed face. That makes them look much younger than a frowning person.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography