No need to squeal about Vegas affair

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This article was published 24/07/2018 (2996 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband just came back from a poker trip with the guys to Las Vegas where they all had “a great time,” according to him.

He seemed troubled though, very quiet, like there was something really bothering him. I finally asked him: “Did you have an affair in Vegas?”

No, he said, but one of the guys did. It turns out they hardly saw that guy at all after the first night at the tables where he met this other woman.

My husband’s feeling guilty because he likes the guy’s wife and has to keep the secret for his buddy’s sake. Should I get him to tell his buddy’s wife?  —Concerned Wife, Winnipeg

Dear Concerned: Your role is to tell your husband he can’t go to Vegas with this guy again so he can truthfully use you as an excuse.

The Vegas veto is not because you don’t trust your man, but because keeping secrets of wrongdoing is very hard on his conscience.

It’s not up to you to tell the bad boy’s wife he cheated or even say anything to the guy who did it, so you can relax on that point.

Your husband may decide to distance himself entirely from this guy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: How can I get my man to give me more plain affection when I don’t want it to lead up to sex? I’m afraid to touch him because he thinks we’re automatically going to go for a big sex scene.

When we just met, we had lots of affection which didn’t go anywhere — just hugging and kissing for fun — and it kept me partly revved all the time.

Now, I have to tell him outright, “This is just fun, it’s not going anywhere,” and then he loses his desire to even touch me.

That reaction makes me lose the ability to reach out to him for affection anymore — like a caress when I walk by, or a warm hug and kiss.

He says the reason this happens is because we don’t have enough sex. That could actually be true. I can’t keep up to the honeymoon pace where we had sex twice a day or more. We don’t have babies yet and I’m not ready for that either.

Last night when he came home, I caught him in a big embrace at the door. He carried me into the bedroom and threw me on the bed like a sack of potatoes to have sex. I blew my top and scrambled out of there! Please help. —One Long Year Past the Honeymoon

Dear One Long Year: Imagine if you weren’t getting enough sex to satisfy you anymore and your husband came home and wrapped you in his arms in a big passionate kiss. Wouldn’t your motor start revving?

The real issue here isn’t him wanting sex when you just want affection. It’s the fact that there isn’t enough satisfying sex between you anymore.

Remember back to when you really wanted sex as much as your husband did? What was so different for you then?

If it was the casual affection, without having to commit to intercourse five minutes later, then yes, that’s what you need to talk about. But there’s probably more.

What are you annoyed about? What do you resent? What has changed — petty or otherwise — since the days when you couldn’t get enough of him?

That requires some deep and sensitive talking out. Those minor and serious issues causing resentment are well-known as a prime killer of sexual desire.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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