Aspiring thespian a neglectful husband

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This article was published 12/05/2019 (2696 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is obsessed with the idea of becoming famous. It’s almost like he’s having some mid-life crisis. All he talks about is being in the movies and how he’s going be an actor. I supported him at first, but he keeps going to all these parties and spends hours on set as an extra. Sometimes he’s gone for 16 hours, and we have young kids! He works a trade part time now, and I work full time and look after the children.

The other part that just kills me is how obnoxious he’s become. He acts like he’s already made it, when in reality he’s just qualified to be another extra. So far he’s done background work, but when we meet up with friends or family, all he does is talk about his acting “career” and brags for hours on end. What happened to the nice man I married and had kids with? How can I get him to see how I’m not jealous of his “career,” but am growing tired of his being on sets and out at parties when I am working so hard with my job and the kids?

— Grow Up, St. James

Dear Grow Up: He certainly doesn’t need to spend that much time after shoots at parties. He’s pursuing his dream, but he’s leaving you and the kids in the dust. You have to make it clear to him he is at risk of losing you. Tell him you don’t want to break up, but he is distancing himself so much from you and the kids that the family is headed for the ditch. He’s acting like a swinging single, not a married family man with responsibilities.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I have been married more than 20 years, but I haven’t loved her for the past eight or nine. We have four kids, and the idea of breaking their hearts is so hard for me, I’d rather jump off a cliff. But they are growing up and I just can’t stand their mother anymore.

I was OK when life was all about our four little kids, but one has left home and the next one starts college in the fall and is going to live with a friend. Our two younger kids will be out of high school in a couple of years.

My wife and I haven’t had a sex life for ages. It’s not like we ever really had the hots for each other. We were more like friends when she got pregnant. We got married and the sex just got progressively worse until I told her I was done with it.

She knows our relationship has run its course, but I make more money and she thinks if I want to be single so badly, then I have to make the first move. How does she sleep at night? I don’t! I just feel so physically sick to my stomach and embarrassed for having let myself be tied to this woman for so many years. How can I get a divorce and still keep my kids in my life? She will turn them against me. I don’t trust her to be honest.

— Afraid of Losing My Kids’ Love, Sage Creek

Dear Afraid: Take some of this extra money you supposedly have, arrange for some marriage counselling and invite her to join you. Counselling can sometimes restore a couple’s happy relationship. While the chances of that may be small, your kids will appreciate you made the effort. If your wife won’t participate, go to the appointments alone. She will soon want to go, if only to see what’s being said behind her back.

Some people won’t go for even one session and settle on a timeline for the breakup. A good time might be after the last child finishes high school — at least for his or her sake. The kids don’t need to know about the impending breakup, as it will make them insecure and miserable. So, if you can’t keep it quiet, don’t set any deadline ahead of time.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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