Schlubby hubby in need of stealthy makeover

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This article was published 11/05/2019 (2697 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: How do you tell the man you love he has no style? I’ve been married for 15 years and my artist husband, bless his heart, looks like the kind of guy who’s worn the same clothes the whole time (and they weren’t stylish to begin with). His shirts have frayed collars and sleeves, and there are holes in his jackets. He doesn’t own any nice collared shirts and wears mostly khakis and cargo shorts. 

I just don’t get it. When we first fell in love, he was such a good-looking, cool guy. Over time he just seems to have stopped caring about that part. It’s not that he doesn’t take care of himself — he always smells wonderful and is a very happy guy — but when we go out for a nice dinner or something, he looks terrible. He won’t get a haircut until it’s way overdue, and he shaves once a week. Not a good look on him. I love him and I still look in his eyes and feel butterflies, but I’m starting to feel less sexual fire for him. What do you think?

— Sick of His Care-Less Look

Dear Sick: Accept that he’s lost his interest in clothing over the years, and casually start dressing him like your personal Ken doll. That means doing it with love, and not teasing him about it. Bring pants and shirts and jackets home, and get him to try on at least two outfits that make him look really cool. He will ask suspiciously why you’re doing this. Tell him, “Because I love shopping for men’s clothes and want to buy some for you.” Everybody likes to get compliments, and they’ll start rolling in from friends when they see his new look. Don’t blab to everyone that you are dressing him, just let him feel really good! (You will feel sexier, too, and he will notice the heat coming from your direction.)

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m guilty. I was the mother who gave her kids iPads for Christmas at an age when they were arguably way too young, and they are now so addicted to their phones they cause problems every day. They don’t talk to me without using their phone at the same time. They also don’t fall asleep until the early morning hours because they stay on their phones in bed. 

They are both in junior high and my friends tell me this is normal for their age. I was just so busy when they were younger and I feel a lot of guilt for getting them hooked on this technology. In my defence, iPads or not, all their peers use their phones an incredible amount.

I just want to get through dinner without having to tell my kids over and over they can’t have their phones at the table, and believe me, at their current age, they give me a very hard time over this. What do I do?

— iPad Addiction Enabler

Dear Enabler: Taking the phones away and replacing them with silence never works work well. Add something to the equation by bringing up hot topics from the news to start debates at the table. Ask them pointedly for their opinions, and if the conversations get really heated, so much the better!

Respect your kids’ opinions. Topicscould include recent crimes, court cases and punishments, climate change, drugs, protests, oddball events or plans for changing the city. You may be able to turn these mealtimes into fun events.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a very difficult decision ahead of me. I graduated from the University of Manitoba four years ago in a field that is still quite in demand. I have worked in Winnipeg for the past three years, but I was recently offered the job of my dreams in Calgary. I don’t have much family here, so that’s not a problem, but I am in love with a girl who’s still just one year into a four-year degree and isn’t likely to want to move to Alberta.

She has a big family and they all love her. We’ve been together for two years and all her relatives have accepted me and invite me to all their holiday parties and family dinners. I love them and I love her. I also love the idea of working my dream job for the rest of my life. This is a solid company and they aren’t likely to go bankrupt any time soon, but how can I even think that way when there is someone I care about in Winnipeg?

How can I convince my girlfriend to come with me to Alberta? Should I even try? I don’t want to lose her.

Also, she doesn’t know I’ve been offered the job yet.

— Torn in Two Directions, Winnipeg

Dear Torn: If you don’t jump on this job opportunity, you will resent your girlfriend and be disappointed with yourself.

So take a deep breath and spill the news. Tell her about the job ASAP and invite her to move with you right now, or a year from now, after she’s visited you a few times.

You might be surprised at her reaction. If you’re lucky, she’ll see it as an adventure and come visit you ASAP. Realize this move might involve a wedding, depending on how old-fashioned and in love she is with you, and how her family feels — and how deeply you feel, of course.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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