Respect daughter and keep it down in bedroom

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This article was published 10/05/2019 (2702 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m divorced and have been lonely for quite a few years. Now I’ve found a nice guy who interests me and I’m sexually attracted to him. I also have a teenage daughter. I have spent several nights at my new guy’s place and have had a wild time. 

My ex remarried five years ago and my daughter often stays at their house. Their sexual relationship is not a big deal to my daughter, but I happen to know my ex is a silent-as-death lover (one of the things I couldn’t stand about him).

When I cautiously asked her how she’d feel if I had this new guy over for the night, she asked, “And are you going to be bouncing him off the walls?!” before running to her room crying.

What can I possibly say to her?

— Entitled to a Sex Life? Fort Garry

Dear Entitled: Yes, you’re entitled, but you’d best keep the volume down when you’re making love and schedule raucous sex for times when she’s at her dad’s or at a girlfriend’s for a sleepover. Surely you can do that much for her.

It sounds like she’s inexperienced and is terrified of hearing her mother make sexual sounds. Tell her that if she’s at home, things will be quiet. If you do want to have sex with your new man when she’s sleeping in the house, use music to mask any sexual sounds and don’t have your headboard sharing the same wall as your daughter’s. Good luck with this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young wife shyly told me in bed she thinks her gynecologist is handsome, like she was confessing a big sin. I don’t care a fig if he’s hot-looking or ugly, but why was she so shy she had to hide her face in her pillow when she told me? 

I don’t care if she dreams about the guy — at least, I thought I didn’t. It’s starting to bother me he gets to touch her in intimate places and it’s giving her a thrill to be in his hands. How should I react? On the one hand I feel unbothered, and on the other other hand I find it kind of worrisome. I was thinking I should suggest she change gynecologists.

— Feeling Weird, Rural Manitoba

Dear Feeling Weird: It might be a smart idea for her to find another gynecologist — maybe a woman — so this becomes a non-issue. This doctor probably has a wife and kids of his own and is used to women who fantasize about him, and doesn’t even think about it anymore.

I do agree it’s troublesome your wife thought enough about it she had to burst out with a confession from under her pillow. Tell her nicely you wish she’d change doctors, but don’t demand it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My best girlfriend has confessed she’s a lesbian, but swears she’s not attracted to me. That’s good, because I have a boyfriend and I’m not bisexual, like so many women claim they are these days.

The trouble is, I think she was lying about not desiring me, because she is starting to avoid me. She won’t talk about her interest in anyone. My boyfriend thinks she’s secretly turned on by me. My feelings about that fantasy idea are “yuck.” We used to be such good friends and now we’re drifting apart. I love her more like a sister. What can I do?

— Sadly Drifting, Selkirk

Dear Drifting: Maybe this is all she can do. If she’s in love with you and she confessed her sexuality to you, she may have been hoping for a similar reaction. She didn’t get it. Maybe you have to let her go so she can refocus and get to know some other women who would be interested in her as a lover. You’re going to have to talk to her about it, as awkward and painful as that may be.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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