Tread carefully with workplace crush

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This article was published 13/05/2019 (2695 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I work in the restaurant industry in Winnipeg and I have a huge crush on one of my co-workers. We’re both servers. He’s a tall, handsome guy with wide shoulders and thick hair. I want to ask him out, and I know people in this industry all end up dating each other. But I’ve been down that road a few times before, and it never works out well. When you fight, it comes out at work.

It’s also not great that my manager clearly has a thing for me. I’m guessing if he knew I was going crazy for this other guy, I might not get as many shifts, and certainly not when this hunk is working. I just feel if I don’t try to make something happen with that guy, I’ll be missing out on potential for a fun and very handsome man in my life. What’s a girl to do?

— Lusting For The Big Guy, Southdale

Dear Lusting: Like so many people, I also worked in the restaurant industry when I was younger, and it seems some things never change; there’s still not a lot of acceptance of staff romances. What you can do is befriend Mr. Wide Shoulders and one night, during a slow period, say to him: “Some day when one or both of us is not working here anymore, we should go out for dinner and let other people serve us all night.” Then wink at him (it’s very important he sees you’re not just saying this as a platonic friend).

Say no more. All you’ve done is flirt a little. You have shown interest, while also giving a nod to the unspoken rules and the importance of keeping your job. You wouldn’t want to be flaunting your interest in Wide Shoulders, but if either of you quits, contact him and remind him of your dinner idea. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m supposed to get married in the fall and I’m falling for one of the bridesmaids. She’s clearly into it, too, as I constantly catch her glancing at me, and she always seems to stick around at the end of the night when planning is happening.

My bride-to-be gave me hell last week because she caught us sitting way too close on the couch. While she didn’t talk to her friend about it, I certainly did. My fiancée has always been overly strict. But she’s not wrong, in this case, as I do have a thing for her friend.

In my defence, I feel like part of the reason I’m looking in other places is because she’s constantly bickering with me over the stupidest things. How am I supposed to marry a person who makes me feel like a little kid when there is this incredible woman who clearly wants to be with me and thinks I’m smart and capable?

I know I shouldn’t continue with plans for a lifelong marriage and kids if I’m unsure now. In fact, I really want to stop this train and get off. But how do you break off a marriage when so many people are invested in it? It could get very ugly. Her family members are tough people.

— Nervous Groom Losing Interest, Rural Manitoba

Dear Nervous Groom: It would be best if she gets to punt you. Tell your fiancée now exactly how you’re feeling and on every score — including being interested in other women again, and much less interested in her. Hopefully she’ll tell you to get lost, and fast!

It’s going to be difficult now, but much worse the closer you get to the wedding date. So talk to her now and offer to pay for at least half of the wedding-related deposits. And here’s the thing you have to know about “guest pressure.” Guests just don’t care, and they probably don’t have invitations yet anyway, so that pressure’s off.

The big problem is with the bride and her “tough” family. Can’t face them alone? You may want to bring your own parents and she can bring hers, if there’s likely to be a big confrontation over this. If the woman’s parents try to coerce you into going through with the wedding, do not fold! There’s nothing worse than a groom or bride who doesn’t want to be walking down that aisle.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My lesbian girlfriend of six months is all wrapped up in her studies and I feel like I’m not important anymore. I get that her schooling is much harder than mine, as she’s in grad studies, but we used to see each other almost every day, and now it’s mostly on weekends. Sometimes, if her friends have something planned, she cancels on me.

I used to be the most important thing to her and now I’m dropping way down the list. How is going to the bar with her girlfriends more fun than seeing me? We’ve been close for about six months. I might even love her. How can I get her back in my life, to the point where it feels like we’re a close couple again?

— Getting the Fade, University of Manitoba

Dear Getting the Fade: It’s a waste of time trying to re-interest a person when the romance is fading after only six months. It’s time you backed away from her totally and started looking in other directions. She’s giving you the breeze by neglecting you when she knows very well you care. This is not the love of your life. So be glad you know this at the six-month point. Don’t write her a sad, pathetic letter saying you think you love her. Just back off and hold your head up.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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