Teen pregnancy haunts her still

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This article was published 15/05/2019 (2699 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve never seen the point of confessing I gave up a child for adoption in my teen years. But I have a serious older boyfriend now and he’s all about having kids and a big family.

I’d like to have a child or two, but my first experience as a pregnant teenager was rough in many ways — hard on my young body, hard on my pride. The baby was hard to give up and hard to forget.

What should I tell my boyfriend, now that things have gotten serious and we’re in love? I know there’s no dodging this issue if we’re going to get married and have children one day soon.

— Mother of a Problem, Brandon

Dear Mother: Is it you as a person he loves, or the combination of wonderful you looking after a big family with him?

There’s no choice right now but to sit down in a very private place where you can talk freely about your teen pregnancy and the trauma it caused you. Finally, you have to talk about your reluctance to have more than two children with him — or anyone.

If he pushes you away, he didn’t love you enough in the first place.

You should know that most guys these days don’t want to have more than two children, especially if they expect their partner to work outside the home. It’s really expensive bringing up children these days. Look at this as a test for him, not you. If he says, “I love you beyond belief and want you whether we have one child or six!” then great. Maybe you could fill out the family with pets.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I are fairly conservative and are interested in spicing things up in the bedroom. We’ve been married 25 years and curiosity got the best of us. We’ve openly discussed trying these new things, but are worried we might be seen inside a local sex shop.

We also want to try to avoid purchasing any items online that may have obvious shipping return address marks as the delivery person would see it. Is there a good way to keep this discreet, or are we going to have to go in some kind of disguise into these places?

— Well-Known In Winnipeg

Dear Known: Sex shops are sensitive to the issues you have and are as discreet as they can possibly be. It’s highly unlikely you’d meet someone you know in the shops, especially if you go at less popular times of the day or evening. As for getting sex toys shipped to you from afar, these companies know better than to have their shop’s name on the box, so the delivery person is certainly not going to know.

Lots of people go on trips to Vegas or other fun places and come home with sex toys in their luggage. Just make sure you take the batteries out before you return home. The last thing you want to hear is that telltale buzzing coming from your carry-on baggage.

If security want to question you about an item, they’d never yell out, “What’s this?” They will take you off to the side and talk to you quietly and privately. If you’re really worried, just buy sex toys while you’re away and leave them there. Think of it as the cost of a bottle of expensive champagne.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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