Relationship in spiral when mocking goes viral

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/06/2017 (3081 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a great time listing my boyfriend’s bad points to my girlfriends and they kill themselves laughing because I act them out and really parody it. Too bad for me, one of my frenemies secretly taped me doing an imitation of him doing something rather personal in the bathroom that was very funny.

Somehow the video got sent out online and got to him, too. He came home from the bar, kicked everybody out of the house and yelled: “How dare you ridicule and humiliate me in front of all your friends and people all over this damn city!”

I had sobered up by the time he got home because I heard he was driving home, mad! I was even starting to see his point. Who knew it would go around like that?

What I really didn’t see coming was the suitcases coming out of the basement and his deadly hiss, like a snake — “Ssstart packing and get out!” I started to cry and told him I loved him and he said, with his neck stuck out like a giant cobra: “Get your stuff out of here before I throw you out and burn it all.” He loves to burn stuff in the barrel on our property, so I knew he meant it.

I got my sister and her boyfriend to come get me and within three hours I was gone. It was 3 a.m. and I was starting to realize I was dumped.

I tried over and over to phone him from my sister’s. Finally he picked up, and said, “Don’t beg. You’re disgusting. We’re done!” and hung up.

Now, how do I get him back? — Missing My Man, Winnipeg

Dear Missing My Man: Get him back, are you kidding? You blew it big time! You went from angel to idiot, in his books.

The first thing you need to learn is this: love does not conquer all. You went way over the boundary. You embarrassed and humiliated him in front of your girlfriends first, and then the women who were laughing with you secretly sent it out online so more people could laugh at you.

So give up. He knows you’re sorry, but you crossed the line and he’s not giving in.

Face it — you deserved to be dumped and it’s time to think on it, learn and move on.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I buried two wives with cancer who were my age and I swore I wouldn’t get into another relationship.

But I am a man who needs a woman to love, and not being with anyone is making me feel tired, which is next door to old.

I am only in my 50s and a former athlete. How can I be sure another wife won’t get sick? — Need a Lucky Break, South Winnipeg

Dear Need a Lucky Break: Nobody can guarantee that, but you might want to get yourself into the best possible shape and look for a woman who’s a little younger — the odds would be better (just saying).

But you have to deserve a younger wife, and that means no stinky smoking or over-drinking, getting lots of exercise, taking care of yourself, getting a nice haircut and clothes, having comfy attractive digs and something to love in your life, such as pets.

You might also consider joining an activities group such as Adventures for Successful Singles (204-775-3484) for people about 40-70 which has several thousand members and offers sports, arts and social activities many times a week, every month of the year. A new members’ summer class starts June 6 for the four Tuesday evening introductory discussion group and party mixers.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a woman who reminded me of my old girlfriend so much sometimes I would call her by my old girlfriend’s name. She was not impressed.

Last night she came over waving this piece of paper in her hand, which was her family history, done professionally, and guess who she’s related to? My ex-girlfriend — distantly.

Now this is really bothering me. My breakup with my ex was nasty, she’s certifiably nuts, and I want nothing to do with that witch or anyone distantly related to her.

No wonder they have the same red hair and freckles — they share the same bad blood!

Now I’m starting to notice more little things about my present girlfriend that remind me of my insane ex. It’s driving me up the wall. Can you help me with this? — Losing It, Thinking Hard, Selkirk

Dear Losing It, Thinking Hard: What is the bad blood about: wild behaviour or real mental illness? Do some digging yourself.

How far apart do these two redheads live? Have they met? Do their mothers know each other? In other words, is there a real acknowledged family connection here or not?

You either have to make peace with the fact these two are distantly related and just let it go, or you are going to have to leave before you destroy the very fabric of what you have with this new woman by acting crazy and paranoid about this distant connection, which may mean just about nothing.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6