How couple spent wedding funds shouldn’t concern others

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This article was published 03/03/2018 (3095 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Let me start off by saying I’m an old-fashioned gal. Not long ago, I was forced to go to a wedding social for a couple who’d been living together the last two years. I was always under the impression a wedding social was a fundraiser to help out the couple on their new journey. This couple has been living together in their own house with good incomes and, as it turns out, just used the social money to go on a huge trip. To me, this is not right. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Should I have politely declined or made an excuse not to go? — Shoulda Called in Sick, Winnipeg

Dear Shoulda: Were you close? Was it a good party? Did you have friends there and danced the night away for the ticket price of $20 or less? Most importantly, did the couple actually get married in the end?

If they did, who cares if they spent the money on a honeymoon?

Sometimes it’s a major effort to get a living-together guy or gal to the altar and the wedding is a special thing to both of them, even if they’ve been living together for 10 years.

If they’re not your close friends, you should have declined, considering how you feel about these “double-income-living-together” things.

You knew their situation before you went to that social.

Also, the word “forced” is interesting when it comes to your partying. “No, I don’t want to go, so I’m not going,” usually suffices when people don’t want to go to a bash.

Try it! You’ll like it.

Nobody can force you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a fat friend with a big mouth and he’s always trying to show other people up with his superior knowledge about sports techniques at the bar. Because he’s so out of shape and rarely does anything resembling a sport (unless you count playing pool for money), nobody gives him much credence and they don’t want to sit by him at the bar afterwards.

We’ve been next-door neighbours and friends for years. I don’t want to stop being friends, but he’s getting really embarrassing with his critical big mouth. Olympic discussions have been unbearable. Help, please. — His Only Friend Outside Work, Winnipeg

Dear Only Friend: Consider saying this: “Why don’t you give it a rest about the superior sports techniques? You act like a know-it-all and you’re not an athlete. It annoys people. I, for one, would appreciate it if you’d quit.” You definitely should not add “because you’re so fat and out-of-shape.” That would be the end of your friendship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young wife is a great cook, but she seems to do it primarily for the big praise. She wants me to “blah-blah” about every meal and how wonderful everything is. She peppers me with questions to elicit words of praise, like “How did you like this? How did you like that, and that and that?” I finally said last night: “I’d rather have a box of macaroni and cheese we don’t have to discuss at length than endure another inquisition after dinner.”

She ran to the bedroom and cried about what an ungrateful man I am.

Then she got mad and took off to the store and bought 10 boxes of KD she threw on the kitchen table.

Now, we’re barely talking and I’m doing all the cooking (I can cook very well myself!) and I have to do endless sucking up.

She gives no words of praise to me and I don’t really care — dinner is dinner. But, the rest of our life has no enthusiasm in it either, if you get my meaning. Please reply ASAP. — Hell’s Kitchen, Selkirk

Dear Hell’s Kitchen: Stop playing Mom and Pop! You need to regain a balance by splitting up the week so you and your wife both get to cook when it’s convenient and you start going out a little more to bistros like you did before you lived together and started housekeeping. Get off the food-for-praise issue, and back into having fun with activities and friends and coming home to satisfying other enjoyable appetites.

You and your wife might even want to go for some sessions with a relationship counsellor. The underlying problems include your wife’s insecurity and your feeling of being banished from the kitchen when you enjoy cooking too. It’s not all about the words of praise. There will be other power issues that need resolving to make this marriage strong.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts, c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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