Other woman’s suitcase sparks new trip

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This article was published 07/05/2018 (3016 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend had a red suitcase in the back of his pickup truck. He’d been away for a trip, seeing a hockey game with his buddies. Or not! I saw the suitcase when I went to take out the garbage, so I pulled it out of the back of the truck and took it in the garage. It belonged to a woman. Her name was on a card inside. The suitcase was filled with the kind of clothes you would take away for a hot weekend with a boyfriend.

I took the suitcase inside the house, opened it up and spilled the contents in front of my boyfriend. His face went white and he swallowed a bunch of times. I read out the name on the card and the phone number and started for the phone. He said, “Stop! I can explain.” He said he gave a ride to a woman he knew to the game to meet her boyfriend who had gone down earlier with friends. I just kept looking at him in disbelief until he teared up and started crying.

We hadn’t had sex since Christmas because I was doing long shift work and was always too tired. I was also mad at him most of the time for working overtime and never coming home except to sleep, often while I was at work. We were both working overtime to save money for a house so we could have kids. I asked him if he was in love with that woman and he said no, he loved me, but it seemed like I didn’t want him anymore. I said, “I love you, too, but this isn’t working anymore. Why are we working and away from each other so much?” Then, I started to cry, too.

We decided to cut back on work and travel and forget buying the house. If we have kids, we can have them in an apartment. We took each other back and made love on the rug. I just wanted to tell you not everybody that screws up breaks up. I love my man and he loves me, but we got off on wrong paths.

— There is Hope, Transcona

Dear There is Hope: Thanks for writing in about your relationship meltdown, and rebuilding plan. It’s lucky you can move past cheating and get to the core of the relationship breakdown and do something about it. Some people just can’t get over a cheating episode, but in your case, you might have lost everything that was still good and loving underneath. Throw the other woman’s suitcase in the garbage. Good luck to you both.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got a letter the other day in the mail in an elegant envelope, with gold lining and written in longhand. I gingerly pulled it out and it was from an old boyfriend who remembered me on my birthday way back when, and all the fun we had. That year — my 25th birthday — he planned a whole day and evening of events ending up at midnight in his king-size bed with a bottle of champagne, party hats and noisemakers.

On an additional page, written on different paper, he told me about his life now, his cold marriage with his wife, his four kids and his job. He explained he wrote the fancy romantic letter when he was drunk after a party and remembered my birthday was coming. He told me, looking back, it was the best romance of his life. His last line was: “Remind me why we broke up. I can’t remember. Please write me back.”

I wrote him back and reminded him how he met his wife at the dinner for my birthday party that same night and started seeing her on the sly, which he seemed to have conveniently forgotten. I remember the way he looked at her and knew at my party it was the beginning of the end for us. I told him to get lost and that he didn’t deserve me or his wife. Can you believe the nerve of him? Should I send the letter to his wife? I know where she works.

— Utterly Gobsmacked, Winnipeg

Dear Utterly Gobsmacked: This guy is the master showman. While he was putting on a big show for your birthday, he was hoping to impress a female guest at your dinner. And the poor lady had an affair, which developed into marriage and four kids with him, but now, she’s old news and probably feels stuck.

Don’t send her the letter. Shred it. Even though she was part of cheating on you, she needs to mother those kids with her sanity intact, and she’s been punished enough by being with him all this time. Keep quiet for the sake of their children. The two adults deserve each other. Also, don’t continue to exchange any more words with him. Guys like that want reaction to their grand gestures and the worst sound for them is silence. Don’t even mail the letter you wrote.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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