Time to stand up to old, intruder aunt

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/01/2020 (2422 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate my old auntie who has moved into our house and bosses my mother and our whole family. She is my mother’s eldest sister by 19 years! Because auntie helped raise my grandma’s too-large family of kids, she didn’t want any of her own babies. But that isn’t stopping her acting like the big fat mama around here now her own husband has died.

My dad works almost all the time out of town now, to avoid the old… witch. Now if feels like I have two mothers — one real and one fake — and no dad. The other two kids, who are younger than I am, feel the same way.

I decided today I’m going to leave home the minute I’m old enough, which means I can’t go to to university until I get a job and earn the money myself. The other kids say the same about leaving early. Any ideas for us? It feels like auntie is breaking up our family!

— Auntie Needs to Get Lost, Transcona

Dear Get Lost: Tell your mom and dad how you kids feel. Tell them separately or together — possibly outside the house, somewhere private — how very unhappy you are about your aunt living with you and bossing everyone. Ask them to please tell her it’s past time to get her own place! Yes, it’s a bold thing to say, but somebody has to say it.

When your parents look cowed by the idea, tell them you kids are planning to leave early — like the minute you get your high school diploma. Who knows, your dad may be thinking of leaving too — and sooner than that! 

Your parents will be upset at your revolt, but they are no doubt sick of this intruder in your family, and may find your pushing helps them to muster the courage to tell her it’s time to pack up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think I got pregnant on Christmas Eve and it’s the last present my husband would want! He doesn’t want kids at all, but he didn’t use protection. Before that happened, I had refused to go on the pill because I would like children one day. He was in charge of buying protection and using it.

We agreed Christmas Eve that we were taking this chance because hubby didn’t want to run to the drugstore. He also knew it was not at the beginning or end of my cycle, and that we were taking a substantial chance. He also knows I’d never abort.

So, now I have been feeling sick and think this baby is growing inside me and I am wondering about timing for telling him.

— Maybe Mama, St. Vital

Dear Maybe: It’s interesting he took the chance. It just may be he’s not dead set against a baby now. Or, maybe he was just too aroused to care! That can happen to Canadians in winter. People just lose their heads and don’t want to go out in the ice and snow to drive to the drugstore for condoms.

Since he’s not going to like the pregnancy idea — at least at first — and you are going to keep the baby, you need to point out very clearly he knowingly took the chance. Just don’t tell him until you know for sure the pregnancy is holding and you’re having this baby, even if he should cut and run. 

He may or may not come back after thinking over the life situation of being without you and missing out on experiencing a child of his own.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love the recent dinner/potluck etiquette talk in your recent columns. Here’s my story: I was once invited by a close relative to the annual birthday party of her young child. I carefully chose a really nice gift for the lovely child, looking forward to giving it to her. 

Then I got a phone message from the mother: “Could you bring a dish and a bottle of wine?” I brought a bag of potato chips. People should enjoy their guests — and not try to profit off them!

— Anonymous of Course, Winnipeg

Dear Anonymous: What was the end result of the potato chips insult? Did this relative ask you the next year? By the way, a birthday party that involves asking guests to bring a bottle of wine and a dish for a meal is a potluck for adults and kids — with a birthday cake — but it needs to be named as such. Then people will not feel so put out. 

There’s nothing wrong with an old-fashioned afternoon birthday party for a child with friends and a few moms — with games, small gifts and a cake. After all, the party is for the child. It’s  not quite the same as a pile of relatives getting together for a dinner and wine, with a cake and gifts after dinner, and kids tend to feel more special.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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