Overreaction highlights need to leave nest

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/08/2021 (1826 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mom was “looking around” in my room, and found a joint in an old jeans pocket. To my parents I’ve become a “druggie” and dope dealer and everything else negative they can attach to this. Why would they go through my room? I guess it’s the religious, old-world people they are — very nosy. Plus, my room is “under their roof!”

I’m in university and have a job I go to most evenings and weekends. I had my own apartment, but my parents invited me home so I could finish my degree faster and save some money. Now they want me out as they think drug dealers might be looking for me! Their paranoid minds are made up.

I’m a reliable person! I don’t do any other drugs than marijuana, and so rarely I even forgot I had that old joint. I’m now at their mercy, as I won’t finish my degree as quickly living somewhere other than my parents’ home. How can I get them to understand I’m not anything they’re imagining me to be?

— Not a Druggie, southeast Winnipeg

Dear Not a Druggie: It’s hard to go back home after living on your own and being free. Parents think of you as being the same age you were when you left their home. Their old rules still apply — and “no drugs” may have been an unspoken rule, but it’s still in force. You’ve stated your case — and now it’s time to get relocated.

You have a job, so see if your friends, co-workers or fellow students know of any small, but comfy living situations. Yes, you may have to finish school a little more slowly, but work brings independence and friendships. You did it once, and you can do it again — this is your new mantra.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My bisexual girlfriend made a very bad move. She got together for a two-hour coffee date with her ex-girlfriend and I found out about it from a voluntary spy, just 15 minutes after she left for the date. I say “date” as they were always very hot. They could never meet again and just be friends, she told me early on.

Like a fool, I fell for her anyway. I stupidly thought we had something very special. I treated her like gold! I was only her second girlfriend. She dated guys before she fell in love with that first woman. And now this disaster, as they’ve obviously reconnected. What am I supposed to do or say?

— In a Million Pieces, Downtown

Dear Million Pieces: If you’d gone for a secret coffee meet-up with an old love of yours, would you consider that reason enough for a breakup? Granted, a two-hour talk seems like more than just a catch-up. But, who knows — the two hours might have ended up in accusations and bickering.

The secrecy and the heat of that former relationship has understandably caused you great pain and anxiety. Your best bet now is to ask her: “How did it go at the coffee meet-up?” Confess a self-appointed spy told you about it.

You’ll soon know if you need to get out, particularly if you spot obvious lies. Or she may tell you outright she’s going back to the other woman, so “bye-bye!” All you can say then is: “OK, if that’s what you want.” Then depart as quickly as you can, before the tears start to come.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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