Woman’s deranged muttering causes co-worker concern

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This article was published 11/06/2017 (3335 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This woman at works gives me the willies. She sits and talks to herself — and other people who aren’t there. I think she’s rehearsing what she would say to tell different people off. At least there’s a lot of muttering and anger. The other day, about 5 p.m., I heard her start up as she put her running shoes on for her run home (she’s a long-distance runner) and she started muttering these phrases that suddenly became audible, and they were the worst swear words that exist. I shouted her name, which made her knock it off and she looked at me with blind fury.

I know she’s mentally ill, but she does her job well and I wouldn’t want to see her out of work and destitute with no job. Should I tattle on her to human resources? She scares me sometimes, and then for months she’ll be normal and nice as pie. Maybe she’s on medications. I don’t know and don’t want to ask. Please help.

— Worried and Nervous, Garden City

Dear Worried and Nervous: She needs help and that’s the bottom line. She may need medication or to have it adjusted. It’s possible she’s trying to run off stress and anxiety that builds to great heights for her in a day’s work. Is she always worse at the end of the day?

She may have gone off her medications totally, as people sometimes do once they start feeling normal. It’s true some people actually feel slightly better right after going off their medications, which they think proves they’re fine, but there is still some medication in their system. When that becomes critically low, they get the bad symptoms again.

Have a talk with the people in human resources, and tell them clearly that she does a good job, and you don’t want to see her lose it, but she needs to see a doctor and get some professional help.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is getting tired of my son, his stepson. My three-year-old, on the other hand, thinks his stepdad is great and is all over him constantly. If this were not a “step” situation I would feel comfortable saying, “Give your dad a break, for Pete’s sake!” But I know, if this was his biological son, he would love him to the moon and back. Not so much as his stepdad. He just says, “Get off me!” or “Get lost!” or “Go hang onto your mother, ya big suck.”

I thought because he had kids that he would be great with my son, but it’s like he resents not having his own boys with him and doesn’t want to lavish all the love he feels for them on my kid. My son’s father moved to another province and couldn’t care less about his first son, as he has other kids with his new wife. It’s such a mess. What do you suggest?

— Mom Feeling So Sad, Fort Richmond

Dear Mom Feeling So Sad: When you remarry, you’re marrying for two people: you and the child. It confounds me that mothers can love, and make love, with stepfathers who are cold and unloving to their children. Some older kids can be downright nasty to stepfathers, but preschoolers? This little boy just wants to give his love and receive a little back. If this new husband of yours paid attention to the little guy, he would stop feeling insecure and relax and not be clinging so much. He wouldn’t need to try to get attention over and over again.

There’s something else you should think about, and that’s the capacity of love a partner has to give. Some people have a cup of love to give and they give it all, and it isn’t felt much by anybody. Some people have a bucket, a pool, a river, a lake or an ocean, and give it all. It sounds like this guy is in the bucket department. He has some love for you and maybe for his sons, but not for your child, who needs a daddy so desperately. If you could change partners once, you can get free and do it again and find a good one for both you and your child. Your current husband is doing harm to your son. How many times can this little guy be rejected before the light goes out of his eyes and he’s hurt and angry at the world?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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