His hot moves blinded her to wedding ring

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/10/2018 (2908 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a hot dancer at the bar who was 29, or so he said, and I felt very attracted. He didn’t play it safe. He said wild and crazy things about my body, and made me laugh and get embarrassed, and feel turned on. He could dance so well I thought he must have had lessons, or danced in a group.

By the end of the night, he’d asked me to dance about 10 times, and I was played out. Then he sat down and charmed me, held my hand, looked into my eyes and closed the deal. We went home together that Friday night and he stayed at my apartment until Sunday.

He started taking calls Sunday in my bathroom. Then he came out and said the most shocking thing: “Well, I guess I better get home to the wife and kids!” What? I told him I thought he was single, and he stuck out his ring finger and looked at me with disbelief. He was wearing a thin gold ring all weekend. I guess I didn’t want to recognize it.

He said his wife and kids had gone to see her family in the country and left him behind, so he was on a holiday by himself. Then I started to cry, and he urged me not to because “we’d used protection and there would be no problem.” No problem? I was half in love with him, and now he was going home to his wife and kids. He hasn’t called me once to apologize. How could he play me like that? He acted like he was falling in love/lust too.

— Tricked, Downtown

Dear Tricked: How were you tricked? You allowed this to happen. He didn’t take his ring off and didn’t think you’d be at all surprised when the weekend ended. He was probably grateful you hadn’t spoiled the good time by bringing up his marriage. Lust-blindness is the term for overlooking anything negative that would get in the way of continuing with someone you fancy.

The first thing any woman should do when a guy with a gold ring on his wedding finger asks her for more than a few dances is bring up the subject of marriage. Then, if he doesn’t bolt and continues trying to charm her, she might say, “Sorry, you’re a great dancer, but I don’t go out with married men.” By overlooking his wedding ring, you ended up with nothing more than a tryst and a little heartache. Leave him alone, now and forever. If you see him again at that bar, don’t make the mistake of dancing with him and losing any control you might have.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I backed up our rental truck and unpacked, moving into our tiny first house. We didn’t have much to unload. When we were finished and drinking a beer on the front steps, this guy and his wife came around the bushes and introduced themselves. My wife seemed startled, like she knew the guy from somewhere. I found out from her sister later she knew him very well — he was my wife’s first steady boyfriend, the guy who broke her heart.

Now I feel like we walked into a bad situation, and I feel nervous about what could happen. The whole thing kind of gives me the creeps. Why were we thrown together? My mother is a kind of psychic and believes in fate, and so do I. What should we do?

— Living Beside Trouble, Wolseley

Dear Living: Talk to your wife and get things out in the open so you’re not waiting for the other shoe to drop. She may feel nothing for this guy at all now. It may feel inevitable that something will happen, but she may want nothing to do with this old ex. This isn’t a romance novel, where the old loves secretly fall into each other’s arms.

In fact, you two can stay on your side of the bushes like so many city folk do, and never see this couple. Don’t pay these neighbours too much attention, unless this guy starts coming over “to say hello.” Then feel free to freeze him out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography