Mr. Robot shows soft side, bares pain

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This article was published 19/10/2018 (2903 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I talk to my handsome husband about emotional or difficult things, he’s always had a blank face. He learned not to show emotion when he was in the armed forces. I can’t tell what he’s feeling. He just takes in information, like a robot. It’s hard to read if I am ever hurting him.

Two weeks ago, we had the biggest fight, and he quietly started talking about “arrangements” and “getting our own lawyers.” I’d been trying to get a reaction out of him and I kept saying meaner and meaner things to make him angry and hurt. I almost ended our marriage that day, but I’d never have known by his face, except for one tear.

I begged him not to go. Then I broke down and bawled like a baby. I never meant to hurt him so he would go. I just wanted some emotional response, because he had hurt my feelings. He said he imagined facing torture, and he wouldn’t give me the satisfaction of crying.

He is almost always a “nice guy,” but he is a tough guy. Now, I find out he’s as emotional as anyone else, deep inside. I asked if there were any other times I had really hurt him, and all he would say is, “Yes, many.”

I feel like such a lowdown creep of a wife. How do I deal with this kind of man, now that he’s cracked open? I love him even more, now that I know he has deep emotional feelings. Please help. 

— Accidental Inflicter of Pain, Winnipeg

Dear Inflicter: You two married for a reason — as balance. You expressed enough emotions for the two of you, so he felt he had a purpose — to calm you down by staying calm, as he’d been schooled. But it has started working the opposite way, and you wanted his emotions to show.

You kept at him and at him to set off his internal bomb. And his reaction?

“I’ve got to leave her, before I explode all over the place.”

A guy who hasn’t experienced exploding isn’t sure how crazy he will be around a woman if he finally lets go. He may be worried he’ll be violent.

If you want his openness to last, you will have to calm down and make him feel free to show his emotions.

Make sure he knows you’ll speak more kindly to him and be considerate of his hidden emotions, and that you can handle seeing them, not just the flowery ones.

That’s all he’s allowed you to see, until now. Can you handle the rest?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband calls me “Booty” since my butt got bigger.

This week, I started calling him “Belly Boy” because he’s been growing one from drinking beer. Neither one of us is happy to get undressed now. Please help us. 

— Stupid Name Callers, St. James

Dear Name Callers: Take him in your arms, look deeply into his eyes and say, “Honey, by calling each other names and ridiculing parts of our bodies, we are inhibiting our sex lives with each other. I don’t want that to continue, do you? I’m going to stop calling you Belly Boy — and I want you to stop calling me Booty, please.”

How can he refuse? Your sex lives are at stake!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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