Wife’s ultimatum means humiliation for hubby

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This article was published 18/10/2018 (2903 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My love is like a red, red rose but my wife’s love is more like a dried one. I got caught messing around with another woman when she was pregnant, and she has never forgiven me. I still love her and the kids, but she has turned her back on me, literally. She sleeps on her less-preferred side just to turn her back on me and face the wall. I moved into the spare room last week and she seemed relieved. We have two kids and I don’t want to hurt them, so I’m not moving out.

Last night I asked my wife if she will ever forgive me and she said, “I don’t know if I can.” Like I’ve seen in your advice to other couples, you suggest asking what it would take to make the harmed person able to forgive you. So I asked her. She said, “We’d have to go together to my pastor for counselling and then, if I believe you will never cheat again, renew our marriage vows in front of our children and close friends and family. Take it or leave it.”

I asked her if she would then make love with me again and she said, “Nothing’s guaranteed, but it’ll probably happen.” What do you think? 

— Too Embarrassed To Do This, West End

Dear Embarrassed: A public humiliation is too much. Your wife would get satisfaction out of that, but you might end up losing your feelings for her over it, and then the sexual problem is reversed. Consider this compromise: you agree to counselling, not necessarily with her religious leader, and also to a totally private renewal of vows with just the two of you, all dressed up, so you both get the “we’re starting over” feeling. That could be good for your marriage. The sooner you do this the better. Sleeping in separate rooms is not conducive to cuddling and warming back up to each other.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I slapped my teenage daughter across the face for calling me a bad name that rhymes with “stitch” and she had the nerve to slap me back. I wasn’t expecting that! I’ve given her a tune-up like that before and she behaved herself for months. But now she’s actually bigger and two inches taller, and said she was moving to her friend’s house. She packed her bags when I was at the store and left. She even took my ski jacket and winter boots. 

Now she’s gone. There’s peace in the house, and I’m a single mom with younger kids. My daughter’s friend’s mother is willing to keep her if I give her $250 a month. I don’t know what to do. I do love her, but it costs more to keep her at home than $250. 

— Tempted, North End

Dear Tempted: Keep the money for now, so your daughter doesn’t feel like she was sold for $250 a month. Give it a few weeks and the other mother will probably get fed up with another teen in the house. Her own daughter may get sick of sharing space and always having to hang out with your girl.

Start with an apology to your daughter for assaulting her (yes, that’s what it was) and look for free counselling. Call Klinic for hours (204-784-4067) and go see a counsellor at their free walk-in at 870 Portage Ave. 

You love your daughter and are going to start missing her. If you don’t repair this soon, she may never come back.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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